


Empty Inside

by Elenduen



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Descriptions of purging, Eating Disorders, First Time, Force Feeding, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Traumatized Childhood, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 11:44:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3409370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elenduen/pseuds/Elenduen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>D`Artagnan has anorexia and has had from a very young age, brought on by his Mother starving herself so he and his brothers could eat during bad harvests, which subsequently led to her death.</p><p>Traumatized d`Artagnan comes to a horrific conclusion, that if he eats, then someone suffers for it, even dies, that he is evil inside, and does not deserve to eat.</p><p>When his anorexia is discovered Athos finds himself using similar incidents from the past involving his late Brother Thomas, so he can help heal d`Artagnan`s battered soul, and will do Anything to make sure he lives</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt on the Kink Meme
> 
> Athos/D'Art(slow-burn) D'Art whump! h/c, angst, family, BroOT3, Protective everyone, eating disorder
> 
> From: (Anonymous)  
> It wasn't that D'art didn't like eating, he just.. forgets.(after giving it to someone else who he deemed needed it more, pretending to eat, but making sure his father ate it, when he's worried or stressed, etc) So if he 'misses' a meal for more than a day, he never realizes, and when he does, shrugs it off as unimportant. 
> 
> 'Unfortunately' for him, everyone finally notices a few weeks after a mission gone wrong(after he's finally commissioned). How can they not, when they can clearly count all his ribs. 
> 
> And all they can think is: How did we not notice? How was he able to hid this for so long?
> 
> Now everyone, especially Athos, are determined to get him well again. And learn some things about their Gascon they never know before. 
> 
> Porthos/Aramis as well ;)

He had been Six when it had started, he`d been unable to sleep and had crept down the stairs to get a drink from the well, when he had heard his parents talking in the Kitchen.

Sat on the stairs his plump six year old body curling up he`d listened with guilt and misery growing in his heart to his Father and Mother.

"You can not continue like this Veronique" Alexandre said with a deep sigh "You are getting thinner with each passing day!"  
"Well what else can I do?" d`Artagnan`s Mother Veronique had cried back "I will not see my children starve to death!, I`ve already had to cut back Alexis`s portions!, Charles is too young to go without, as is Edmund!, they need to food more than I!"  
"You need it aswell!" Alexandre shouted slamming his fist down on the table making d`Artagnan jump and bite his lip, was his Mother starving because of him and little Edmund?, was Alexis going without for him aswell.

Alexis was the eldest Son, twelve years old to d`Artagnan`s six and Edmunds four, Veronique had suffered a still birth and several miscarriages between the boys which had led to the large age gap.

Thinking about it now, d`Artagnan remembered Alexis loud protests when d`Artagnan and Edmund had gotten larger portions of food than he, and he could not recall the last time he had seen his mother eat more than a slice of bread or a single bowl of thin broth.

"Alexandre we don`t have the money for extra food!, the harvest did not provide for us this year and you know that!"  
"Of course I know it!" Alexandre interupted "I`m in the feilds sixteen hours a day trying to make ends meet!, it`s those bloody taxes ruining us all!, damn the Cardinal and his ambitions!"  
"Aye Husband, but there is naught we can do about it, save cut out cloth the best we can, and make do with less"  
"You can not do with less!, for Christ sakes woman I`d rather starve myself than see you grow any weaker!" Alexandre cried "Please love!, you`ll not live out the winter at this rate!"  
"Perhaps" Veronique whispered "But at least our Sons will".

D`Artagnan had forgotten his thirst and fled back up the stairs to burry himself in bed and sob himself to sleep, fearing the loss of his Mother, all because she had given him the food she needed for herself.

Laying in bed he had decided there and then to stop eating so much, he would make do with less and give the food to Edmund and Alexis and then his Mother would have extra for herself and she`d be well and she`d live.

From the following morning d`Artagnan had stuck to his resolve, eating only half of what was on his plate, and handing the extra over to his siblings, little Edmund accepting the food without question and grinning at him with stains about his mouth, Alexis had merely commented on d`Artagnan needing to loose his puppy fat anyway before he downed the food leaving some scraps for their mother to consume.

Stubborn even at that young age d`Artagnan had resolutely ignored the rumble of his belly, and the cramps and pains of hunger that griped his insides, forcing himself to do with less and less food, feeling proud when he had seen a little more colour on his Mothers cheeks after a month, and both Alexis and Edmund looked healthier as a result of his self restraint.

However his joy was short lived, for soon after this his Mother had contracted a chill, that left her lungs congested and body feverish, dying two weeks after she fell ill.

It was at that point d`Artagnan`s little world had fallen apart, Edmund had barely been old enough to understand what was happening, while Alexis had turned to blind rage, blaming everyone and everything for his loss, frequently storming out of the house after screaming matches with Alexandre, ruthlessly bullying and belittling his young brothers as he sought to destroy himself in every kind of vice he could find.

Alexandre threw himself into working the farm even harder, detirmind that the next winter would not be so hard for them, that his remaining family would survive.

Some how it had fallen to d`Artagnan to take over his Mothers roll, cooking, cleaning, and keeping the house together, he ignored his older brothers taunts, put witch hazel on the bruises from his fists when he was drunk and violent, made sure that Edmund was shielded from the violence and cleaned up the mess left after one of Alexis`s temper tantrums.

Now in charge of meals he was able to eat less and less sometimes going for three days with nothing but a little wine and ale inside him, leaving him light headed and shaking.

However he hardened his heart to the feeling, making sure that his Father and Brothers ate enough and the house was well taken care of so that Alexandre had no more stress than he already did trying to raise three sons.

Perhaps it was because of his grief, and his worry over loosing his sons that Alexandre did not notice how thin his middle child was becoming, his time taken up in working to provide for his family, and trying to keep Alexis from self destructing had blinded him to d`Artagnan`s problems, letting the boy become more and more adept at skipping meals and starving himself, it was not until almost two years later, when things had come to a head with Alexis that how sons ill health was brought to light.

Drunk and foul tempered the fourteen year old Alexis had taken his rage out on his eight year old brother, Alexandre coming in from the feilds to find Edmund sobbing in a corner as Alexis had d`Artagnan pinned to the ground and was beating him black and blue!, furious Alexandre had hauled his eldest son off d`Artagnan and flung him out of the house ordering him never to return until he had stopped his behavior.

Harsh perhaps, but Alexandre was fearing for his younger sons, the elder of which had suffered five broken ribs, a broken arm and nose, lost two teeth, and was covered from head to foot in bruises.

It was then as the Physician had examined him that Alexandre had seen how painfully thin his child was, his bones protruding from his skin, his belly sunken inwards his ribs and hips jutting out into knife sharp points.

Horrified by d`Artagnan`s condition, Alexandre had thrown himself into nursing his son back to health, watching his meals like a hawk and making sure the boy ate everything on his plate and then some as he lay in bed healing.

Perhaps if things had been different then d`Artagnan would have recovered fully then, but fate took a different course, and not two months after this, Edmund was taken ill with the plague, he was dead within a week devestating both d`Artagnan and Alexandre.

Lost in his grief Alexandre did not notice as his son fell back on bad habbits, getting thinner and thinner.  
Somehow d`Artagnan managed to hide his frail form, and even find the energy to take up the sword the following spring when his Father had come out of his grief enough to wish to teach his remaining child how to use a blade. 

Father and Son fell into a routine, of working the fields and training with the Sword, d`Artagnan still taking care of all the meals, and always making sure his Father had the lions share, now so use to the feeling of hunger in his stomach he did not even notice it anymore.

As he grew up his body become scrawny and delicate, muscles not forming on his frame for lack of flesh to build from, how his growth was not stunted was a mystery since he managed to match his Father height of six feet.

He had been fifteen when he and his Father had finally heard from Alexis, or rather were informed of his death in a tavern brawl in Tarbes.

The news had seemed to age Alexandre over night, his hair greying and body stooping, reminding d`Artagnan of his coming old age frailty, making him more anxious to keep him hail and whole.

By the time he and Alexandre had ridden to Paris several years later he was surviving on maybe two or three meals a week with the odd slice of breath, mouthfull of porridge, or piece of fruit here and there.

Even with his Father gone, shot by Gordet, he could not make himself eat, it felt completely alien to him to have a full stomach.  
He`d been painfully reminded of his Mother when Constance had fussed over his skinny frame, muttering about growing boys and too thin Gascons needing fattening up!.

Although he had to addmit on the few occaisions he had eaten with her that her cooking was very good.

Moving into the garrison after he got his commision made it even easier to go without food, Musketeers often skipped meals due to their work, but then they would make up for it afterwards, something d`Artagnan never bothered with and only forced himself to eat when pressed by the Inseparables to join them for a meal, picking at the food and leaving more than he consumed, not seeing the odd and concerned looks on the faces of his friends that were growing more and more frequent as time went on.

Athos had already admitted to himself that he was more than a little obsessed with d`Artagnan.

Since the boy first walked through the garrison doors he had been unable to get him out of his mind, not just because he had great skill with a sword, was honest, loyal, and proberly the best recruit the regiment had, had in years.

But also because he was the first person in years to make Athos even remotely aroused.

He had little experiance with men, he had dallied with a couple of lads in his youth, when he had been tutored along with other Noble Sons, sexual experiance and experimentation had kept them amused, and a lack of females aside from servents had made it so there were few options for lusting adolescents to act on their desires.

He had come to realize early on, that he found males just as appealing as females, but had not bothered to act on these desires, especially when he had met and married Anne, after everything that had happened there he had thought that he would never want to love again, it was too risky, too dangerous, he was better off alone with his wine bottles and bitter memories than in a lovers arms.

Aramis and Porthos friendship had kept him from killing himself and becoming a Musketeer had given his broken life purpose again.   
However he had not partaken of their sexual advances, the two of them having an "Open" relationship, they loved each other unconditionally enough to allow themselves to lay with others, which usually meant Aramis was left hanging from window ledges and jumping from roof tops when the husbands of his latest conquests came home!.

Athos had been flattered and tempted by them, but had not acted upon this, it was not until d`Artagnan came into his life that he truely felt the stirrings of desire once more.

For nearly a year he had watched d`Artagnan change from a promising and raw recruit, into a flourishing Musketeer who without a doubt would become the greatest in the whole regiment one day, the lad had wormed his way into the Inseparables unit, and into the hearts of the whole regiment, the older Musketeers liking his youthful exuberance and finding him like a little brother, the younger Musketeers finding a lad of similar age to share exploits with and admired his growing skills.

Aramis and Porthos had quickly noticed the extra attention Athos paid their youngest, and had given him some teasing over it, but for the most part simply supporting him and telling him to go for it.

However Athos had not approached d`Artagnan in a sexual manner, was still half afraid of the unknown, or risking the brotherhood he shared with the younger man by bringing romance into it, was half tempted to simply stay quiet and watch from afar.

However after long hard, and strangely enough Sober!, thoughts upon the Gascon, Athos had decided to take a chance.

What he had not banked on was a mission to Chantilly, and the Comte of Chantilly throwing a proverbial wrench into the plan, nore the failing of the mission itself bringing to light what they should have all known already.

But it had not been until d`Artagnan was lain upon the examination table in the medics office of the garrison, stripped off that everything became clear, and Athos suspected that the sight of the Gascons naked body, gaunt, emaciated and bloody would haunt him till the day he died.  
It was supposed to be a simple mission.

All they ahd to do was a bit of recon, hardly difficult or strenuous, but of course things can never be that simple can they?.

There had been strong rumours of up risings coming from Chantilly.  
Worrying about the possible threat against the King, Treville had sent out the Inseparables plus d`Artagnan, to investigate.

All he wanted them to do was to find out if the rumours were true, how many men were planning to rise up against the King and then report back.  
What no one had planned on, was that the Comte de Chantilly was also involved in the up rising, that he was master minding the whole thing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN 
> 
> I have suffered with severe depression since early adolescence, and went through problems with disordered eating, amongst other issues which I`m still working out today

Chantilly had not been in court for a while.  
He had been semi banished from Court following too many bad insidents being linked to his name.  
The Comte had a taste for dice tables and card games in the lower parts of Paris, also partaking of whores, and had a bad habbit of not clearing his numerous debts and using hirlings to deal with anyone who might be pressing him for money.

He had also gotten rough with more than one prostitute, both male and female, so much so that the Lads and Women`s pimps had gotten involved, resulting in the deaths of said pimps by the Comtes body guards.

While normally no one would care what happened to a pimp, the deaths and the fights, and the gossip had gotten to much, the Comte was bringing the Kings Court into disrepute by his behavior, so much so that the King had sent him abck to his estates, telling him to sort himself out unless he wanted to be banished on a more perminant basis.

Instead of sorting himself out, Chantilly had decided to stage an uprising against the King on account of his "Spoiled Honour".

After two days of searching in Chantilly the Inseparables had been captured themselves by the Comtes men and incarserated in the Comtes Chateau.

The only plus side to it being, that it was not a dungeon or a shed or even stables they were being kept in, but the wine cellar.

Well at least Athos saw the bright side of that, as he managed to wriggle his way on his backside over to the wine rack, force a cork out with his teeth and began to drink from the bottle like a baby nursing!.

"Unbelievable!" Porthos snorted as he watched Athos suckling the wine "Here we are trussed up like turkeys and he still finds a way to drink!"   
"Imerly `ake, `are, o`i``ortant `ingsss!" Athos garbled about the wine bottle making d`Artagnan giggle and Aramis roll his eye heavon ward   
"Perhaps we can think of an escape plan?" Aramis asked "Or would you rather sit here getting plastered?"  
"I ugh `oice?" Athos mumbled about the bottle continuing to drink, however he took the bottle in between his teeth holding it tight and pulling it off the shelf then let it fall to the floor and smash spilling the rest of the wine   
"What a blood waste!" he complained shifting around and getting some glass into his hands to scratch at the ropes about his wrists wincing as it cut into his flesh as he tore into the bindings.

"Whats the plan then?" d`Artagnan asked "We fight?"  
"Theres too many men for us to take in one go" Aramis replied "Better we ride for Paris alert Treville and mount a full scale assult"  
"I agree" Porthos said as Athos nodded continuing to cut through the ropes holding him   
"But what if they all escape?, we`re a days ride from Paris!" d`Artagnan said   
"They won`t go far" Athos replied grunting and pulling on the ropes until they finally gave out freeing his wrists "Ah, however" he said taking a shard of glass and cutting at the ropes on his legs "We can waste more of this wine, and make things difficult for them"  
"Difficult?" Aramis asked   
"I get it!" Porthos chuckled "Like we did to Marie`s men!"  
"Indeed" Athos replied freeing his legs and moving to cut d`Artagnan free "We use the bottle as bombs, put clothe inside them, light them and throw them, it`ll take out men, horribly, but it`ll work, and then......"  
"We find our weapons" Aramis said   
"We find our weapons" Athos agreed nodding to d`Artagnan as he freed him and moved onto Porthos "Fight, hopefully take out all or enough of the Comtes men to finish this rebellion"  
"Sounds good to me!" Porthos said with a broad grin and a dirty chuckle.

The Comte and his men were clearly not overly intelligent, for they had not even bothered to lock the cellar door, nore leave guards on it!, believing the ropes would keep four highly trained and skilled Musketeers under control.

The four of them moved swiftly and quietly through the chateau, passing up into the kitchen where the remains of a feast were littered, and by the noise coming from further on in the house, the Comte and his men were celebrating their success in over powering four musketeers.

"Not bad!" Porthos said from behind the others making them look round and saw him sampling the remains of what appeared to be beef bourginion in a heavy metal pot   
"Can`t you think of anything other than filling your stomach?" Aramis asked looking exasperated   
"Can you think of anything other than getting laid?" Porthos countered with a grin, and swiped a stray chicken leg coated in golden bread crumbs and garlic to munch on as they continued on their way through the chateau.

The sounds of laughter and talking grew louder as they approached the dining hall.  
Both Athos and d`Artagnan took torches off the walls to use to light the cloth in the wine bottles that had with them  
"We can get the lot of them in one go" Aramis whispered "They`re all likely to be at dinner, sluggish with food and drink, we can end this here and now"  
"My thoughts exactly" Athos replied "However we need to find our weapons first",  
"Not a problem" Porthos said tossing down the chicken leg bone and pointing into a storage room where spare candles and oil and other paraphinaliar were kept.

"Clearly we are dealing with highly sophisticated and intelligent advarserys!" Athos drawled making Porthos snort as he and Aramis went into the room and handed out the weapons.

They swiftly loaded the guns, setting Aramis at the door to take out men with his marks man aim.  
Porthos poised in front of him to burst inside at the right moment while Athos and d`Artagnan went round to the second door   
"You ready?" Athos asked as d`Artagnan got into position   
"Right behind you" d`Artagnan replied giving Athos that bright shining boyish smile that made Athos`s heart flip and flop, swallowing hard he nodded, gripping his sword and pistol tight   
"On three, one, two, THREE!".

The plan had gone well, to a point.  
They had surprised the Comte and his men, throwing the wine bottles on the table had caused it to erupt into flames, and sent the men into panic, which worked well for the Musketeers.

With Aramis taking men out from the door, Porthos, Athos and d`Artagnan moved in the tackle them head on, with both guns and swords.

None of the men were true warriors, and they were easily over powered, many half drunk, their movments slow and uncoordinated making them easy to dispatch.  
The Comte however was another matter, he out of all of them had remained well armed at the table, and kept himself out of the way until his men began to dwindle down, then he joined the assult, drawing a beautiful Indian scimitar, the blade far stronger than the French rapiers and he did had some skill with it.

d`Artagnan had been distracted, fighting with three of the Comtes men at once, a grin on his face as he held his own taking them down one by one, and half turning at Aramis`s shout of warning only to have the deadly scimitar slicing into his side.

His eyes went wide as he bent double his mouth open in a winded cry of pain, a look of shocked disbelief on his face.

Dimly Athos heard Porthos give an almighty roar, while Aramis was shouting, their voices blurred and distorted as time seemed to slow down for Athos as he saw d`Artagnan scewered on the blade, he felt himself fighting, knocking his own adversarys aside to reach d`Artagnan.

He saw the Comte rip the blade out of d`Artagnan`s body, the young man falling backwards, sagging into the wall, his arms lifting his sword and maine gauche uselessly since the scimitar knocked them aside with ease, and as the blade came back down it sliced through his doublet, slashing him from shoulder to hip in a diagonal cut that sprayed blood into the air!.

Crying out d`Artagnan fell to his knees clutching at his wounded body looking up with shock in his eyes as the blood stained comte lifted his scimitar back preparing to take his head off at the neck when Athos leaped forward bodily slamming into the Comte, throwing him down and burrying his sword into the mans chest.

With a grunt, Athos pushed himself to his feet pulling his sword back out of the body of the Comte kicking him to make sure he was dead then ran to d`Artagnan who was sagging while gazing at the blood on his own hands, his own blood, looking for all the world like a frightend and confused little boy.

"D`Art, it`s alright, you`re going to be alright" Athos said dropping to his knees and taking his hands his heart clenching at the sight of the bloody wounds on his body that were bleeding far to heavily   
"Athos?" d`Artagnan`s voice was chocked and his face pale as he looked at his mentor, his friend, his brother, "M`gonna die?"  
"No, no you`ll be fine" Athos said shaking his head as d`Artagnan`s eye lids fluttered closed, "d`Artagnan?, D`ARTAGNAN!" he roared taking the boy into his arms and holding him tight "Don`t go!, please! don`t go!, don`t leave me!".

Athos did not remember much of leaving the Comtes estate, or the ride back to Paris, Aramis and Porthos had prized d`Artagnan out of his arms, bound his wounds and Porthos had ridden with him in front of him, holding him tight and whispering to him to stay alive.

The ride itself passed in blurr, and before Athos knew it they were back at the garrison, shouting for help, for the medics, while Treville and the other Musketeers burst into action about them.

It was not until d`Artagnan was laid out on the medics table, stripped down and being stitched up, his wounds cleaned and bandaged, that Athos finally came back to himself, brought back by the sight of d`Artagnan`s naked body.

He`d known he was lean, a skinny streak of piss as Porthos called him!, a Runt!, a scrawny pup!, as the other Musketeers affectionately reffered to him as, Athos had thought nothing of it, until he was faced with the emaciated form before him.

D`Artagnan was not just lean or slim, he was skeletal.

His ribs stuck out from his body in an alarming manor, the flesh, or lack there off, pulled painfully tight over them and sinking in between the gaps of the bones, his collar bones, shoulders, and arms were as thin as a childs, the veins standing out like blue ropes, snaking over his body.

His hips jutted up above his sunken stomach, his buttocks hollow and thighs as thin as the thickness of Porthos arms!.

"How did`nt we see this?" Aramis whispered tears shining in his eyes "How could we miss it?"  
"How has been staying on his feet like this?" Porthos asked biting so hard on his bottom lip it was bleeding   
"Adrenaline, or.........." Aramis paused with a deep sigh "Alot of practise, I think this has been going on for a while, a long while"  
"But why?" Porthos asked "Why starve himself?, it makes no sense"  
"Things people do rarely make sense" Athos mumbled looking at the horrific sight of d`Artagnan`s frail fragile body "What matters now, the only thing that matters now, is getting him well".

He hurt everywhere, his side, his front, his back.   
His whole body was aching and sore.

He also felt weak, his limbs shaky like jelly, and head stuffed with straw after he`d been shaken by a grisly bear!.

Opening gritty eyes d`Artagnan let out a low moan, looking about his location, his eyes focusing on Athos sitting beside his bed, his own bed in the garrison.

The older man looked a mess, his hair matted and bloody, face bloody stained, body smelling of wine, sweat, and blood, his eyes darkly shadowed, and mouth set in a grim line.

Behind him sat equally disheveled Aramis and Porthos, looking just as concerned and upset as Athos did.

"Wha.........what happened?" d`Artagnan asked weakly   
"We were going to ask you the same thing" Athos said, his voice low, filled with hours of worry and stress "What happened to you?".

D`Artagnan frowned trying to figure out what Athos meant, "The Comte?" he asked piecing together the last things he could remember "I was, taken off guard, I`m sorry, it won`t happen again"  
"Thats not what we mean" Aramis said rising up from the stool he`d been sitting on and ran a hand through his hair "What we mean is, what happened to you, that makes you starve yourself?".

The question hit d`Artagnan right in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him, his eyes widdening as mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of something to say,  
"Why would you do this to yourself Lad?" Porthos asked shaking his head "I`ve seen better fed people in the fucking court of miracles!, you`re like a skeleton!"  
"I`m not" d`Artagnan whispered thickly feeling blood rushing to his cheeks and pounding in his temples "I`m fine, I just....."  
"Starve yourself" Athos spat "Go for days without eating, lie when asked if your hungry or if you`ve eaten, put your health at risk without caring for how much your actions are hurting others!", the last was said with growl of anger as he leaped up from the chair to pace the room turning back to d`Artagnan with fury in his eyes   
"You put yourself in danger by being so weak, and put us in danger aswel!"  
"Athos stop!" Aramis warned seeing look of horror on d`Artagnan`s face   
"No! he wants to be a Musketeer, to be an adult, then he can act like one!" Athos snarled storming back over to d`Artagnan and grabbing him by the wrists to haul him up and drag him in front of the mirror on the wall "Look at yourself!" he roared into d`Artagnan`s ear as the boy shook and sobbed "Look!, you`re thinner than a rail!, a single gust of wind could knock you over!, you could be snapped in two by a single fall!" he shook d`Artagnan as tears filled his own eyes "You`re killing yourself" he whispered "You`ll die if this carrys on".

By now d`Artagnan was sobbing and shaking like a leaf, falling to his knees and burrying his face into his hands as Athos wrapped his arms about him holding him close while Aramis moved into Porthos arms, the larger man kissing his head, all of them wondering where they would go from here.

Getting d`Artagnan back to bed and to sleep after the emotional out bursts with Athos was easy.  
His body was so weak and frail that he had no energy at all, not sustainable energy anyway, and whatever adrenaline he had been living off was now spent leaving him utterly exhausted.

The deep shadows under the lads eyes were truely frightening to see, as were the hollows of his cheek bones and the obvious effort it was taking for him to draw breath through his open lips, lips that looked dry and bloodless, stretched back over too prominent teeth.

Aramis could not surpress a shudder as he tucked d`Artagnan back into the bed, smoothing the covers gently over his emaciated frame, he has seen the corpses of the starved men and women with as little flesh on them, laying in the streets, dying where they had fallen and waiting to be taken to the morgue and dumped in an unmarked grave for the masses.

"He`s going to need alot of care" he said smoothing d`Artagnan`s hair back from his forehead, something his mother had done for him in his youth that had always been soothing, something he frequently did when his brothers were injured and needed loving.

"He`ll be alright" Porthos said though the conviction in his voice was some what lacking, and he looked more like he was trying to convince himself rather than Aramis   
"We`ll get him eating right, get him fattened up, and he`ll be fine"  
"You really think it`ll be that simple?" Aramis asked turning to look at Porthos "That just tipping food down his throat will solve this?, because it won`t!, it`ll take a hell of alot more to fix this situation!, he`s been starving himself on purpose for a long time, proberly since early childhood!, that is not something we can fix over night!"  
"Alright! calm down!" Porthos said holding up a hand "I know it`ll be tough, but we`ll get him through"  
"Will we?" Aramis whispered turning back to look at d`Artagnan worriedly "What if we can`t?", a sharp cry escaped his lips as the hand he was running through d`Artagnan`s hair came away with hair still attached.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN  
> Please Remember there was no real Mental health services until much later centuries, and certainly nothing for people with eating disorders, It`s only been in the last century, in fact the last half century that real strides have been made regarding mental health problems, back in the seventeenth century there would have been nothing but asylums which were worse than prisons

Athos had removed himself from the sick room.

He could not stay there and see d`Artagnan weakly sobbing himself to sleep, see the painful movments of his too prominent ribs heavings, or his hallowed eyes running with tears.

His own hands burned with the memory of touching that skeletal frame, so fragile that a careless touch would cause it to shatter, so malnourished he looked ready to collapse at any moment.

Why?, why would d`Artagnan do this to himself?, what could have possibly caused him to want to make his body so weak and sick?.

Sitting at a table at one of the inns nearest the garrison, Athos stared moodily into his wine, for once not drinking, the solice of alcohol not soothing him, or slowing his thoughts, as his mind continued to swim with questions and worries.

He tried to think of the last full meal he had seen d`Artagnan consume, but try as he might he could not recall the lad having ever cleaned his plate, he frequently offered most of his portions to others, very often the stable lad Jacques, as a growing boy he readily accepted any food going, as did Porthos who knew what it was to go hungry and always ate like it was to be his last meal!.

"Why did`nt I see it?" Athos whispered to himself clenching his teeth "How could I have been that blind?", it was not the first time he had encountered someone with an unhealthy relationship to food, his late Brother Thomas had suffered from something of the same affliction as d`Artagnan seemed to be.

Though instead of starving the way d`Artagnan appeared to be, Thomas had taken a different approach, after one to many peers had commented on how slow he was in loosing his baby fat, pointing out that the younger La Fere Brother was rather pudgy and plump.

The slight excess of weight had been rather sweet on Thomas, giving him a cherubic appearance, making him the kind of boy and adolescent that everyone wanted to cuddle and pet and adore.

However Thomas had grown to hate it, and to rid himself of his puppy fat he had begun to purge his meals, making himself violently sick everytime he ate something.

When his dangerous secret had been revealed the family had been at a loss of what to do to help him, none of the physicians seemed to have the slightest idea as to what was wrong with him, and Thomas had seemed hell bent on self destruction.

Until one day Thomas had began to vomit up blood, scaring both himself and everyone that he had finally injured himself severely.  
However it turned out that he had only burst a few veins in his throat from constant purging and they would heal themselves.  
But that shock had been enough to snap Thomas out his self destructive cycle.

He had stopped making himself sick, following a strict diet, and allowing Athos and others to moniter him to make sure he was eating well and not purging, of course he`d had relapses, but on the whole he had been doing well, right up until Milady had killed him that was.

Anne had never known about Thomas`s condition, whatever it was, Athos brother had been ashamed and wished to keep it secret, a secret Athos had kept for him even beyond the grave.

Was now the time to break it?

Could sharing Thomas`s problems with d`Artagnan help him?.

But then it was`nt the same was it?, d`Artagnan was`nt purging, at least to their knowledge he was`nt.  
His mouth did not bear the sores nore did his hands that Thomas`s had. 

What was it Thomas had said to him?, that he had wanted to eat, he had wanted to stop being sick, but he was terrified of doing so, that gaining weight had been more frightening to him than the plague itself!.

Was that what d`Artagnan also felt?, and if so, could Athos help him?, then again did he have a choice when he was already so invested in the lad?.

Sighing he tipped the wine from his cup back into the bottle and put his hat on his head, rising from the table he left the Inn taking the bottle with him as he went back to the garrison.

Aramis and Porthos were at the table in d`Artagnan`s room, Aramis writing out something while Porthos watched and made the occaisional comment,  
"Ho is he?" Athos asked looking towards the bed where the sickly Gascon lay   
"Sleepin`" Porthos replied "Did`nt `spect t`see you till mornin`", Athos made to reply instead he pulled up a stool looking at what Aramis was writing, seeing it looked to be a meal plan  
"I`m making out a diet for d`Art" Aramis explained "We`ll start him off on small simple foods, his stomach won`t handle anything heavy straight away, he`ll need time to condition himself first, so we`ll start with broth, soups, porridge, bread, and some fruits, apples and such, plain fair but it`ll help give him a starting point to work from"  
"Then what?" Porthos asked "We increase the portions?"  
"Incrementaly yes" Aramis replied "And we add to his diet, some plain boiled and roasted meats, some hard cheese, maybe the odd pastry until his body can handle full meals"  
"And you think he`ll just eat because we tell him to?" Athos asked with a raised eyebrow recalling how difficult it had been to get Thomas to eat at first.

"No, I don`t" Aramis sighed with frustration "But we have to do something!, if he carrys on this way he`ll be dead inside a year!, if that!"  
"We `ave to we`ll force `im!" Porthos grunted looking less than pleased at the thought, but determind none the less   
"I just wish we knew why!" Aramis cried making d`Artagnan whimper in his sleep and snuggle deeper into the covers "Why he would do this?"  
"Maybe he was teased over his weight?" Athos suggested "Back in Gascony?, maybe that made him want to loose weight?"  
"I can`t think he`s ever been anything but skinny" Porthos said "He`s got a slight build anyway, I think he`s been destined to be lean"  
"Lean is fine, malnourished is not" Aramis said completing his meal planner "When he wakes he is going to eat, whether he likes it or not".

 

Ten years earlier

"Why won`t you eat Charles?" Alexandre sighed as he watched his eight year old painfully thin son pushing his spoon around his bowl of soup after only two mouthfuls "D`ont you know how ill you are?" he pleaded "You look like you could be snapped in half by a gust of wind!"  
"M`sorry Pere" Charles whispered biting his bloodless lips and looking shamefully down at the brimming bowl of soup, his mouth watered and belly rumbled with the desire to eat it, to sate his hunger, but that nagging cruel voice at the back of his head would not let up and allow him to lift the spoon and put it in his mouth  
'You don`t need this food Charles, you don`t need to eat, look at poor Edmund!, he`s starving because of your greedy belly!, Pere has been working his fingers to the bone and is going hungry because of you and your gluttenous apatite!' the spiteful voice shouted, cackling as Charles winced and cringed   
"Please Charles, I can not bear to loose you!" Alexandre begged "You are my rock!, my light in this world!, you of all my children look so like your Maman, please!, do not leave me!"  
"I won`t ever leave you Pere!" Charles said shaking his head in denial "I`ll always be with you!"  
"Not if you don`t eat!" Alexandre cried in frustration and fear "You are wasting away!, you have to eat or...................or I will loose you too, and that I can not bear".

 

Present day 

D`Artagnan opened sleepy eyes that were damp with unshed tears, the memory of his Father still fresh in his mind from his dream, he could recall vividly how Alexandre and broken down into tears and begged him to eat, offering to get him any kind of food he desired!, from simple cheese on toast, to costly chocolait from Paris! or Ice Creams from Italy!, if only he would eat.

'And you did eat did`nt you?' the voice hissed maliciously, rising up in his mind like a dark serpent and spitting venom with words into his wounded soul   
'You ate, and you grew fat and lazy and useless!, and what happened?, hm, what happened Charles?'  
"No" d`Artagnan whispered shaking his head on the pillow as the voice continued on none the less   
'Edmund died because of you!, he went hungry so you could fill your own gut and he died because he was too weak to fight off the plague!'  
"Edmund!" d`Artagnan whispered closing his eyes against the tears that were starting to flow   
'They`ll die aswell if you eat!, think of all the Musketeers out there who need food, of the stable lads, of street urchins, they need the food, you don`t!, you do not deserve to eat, and if you do then they will go hungry because of it and then they`ll grow weak and they`ll die!'  
"No!" d`Artagnan swore vehemently "No one will die for me, I will not let anyone go hungry for me"

Porthos eyed the breakfast tray that Aramis had personally supervised being put together for d`Artagnan while the medic checked him over and made sure his stitches were clean and intact.

"Dos`nt look like much" Porthos said nodding to the single slice of oaten wheat bread with a glaze of butter and honey, and a bowl containing just half a portion of porridge along with a glass of fresh milk   
"More than this and he`ll be sick" Aramis said "His stomach won`t be able to handle large portions yet, it needs time to become acostomed to eating again"  
"So does he" Porthos sighed running a hand through his hair "Some how I don`t think getting this into him is going to be easy Mis"  
"If things were easy then there would never be any call for people like us Querida" Aramis replied with a wan smile and pressed a chaste kiss to Porthos cheek "Come on, and remember, loosing our tempers will not help".

La Fere eight years earlier

"I just hate the sight of my Body Ollie!" Thomas sighed as he sat with his elder Brother in his bed chambers "I feel........I look so fat and flabby and disgusting!"  
"Thats not true Thom, you know it`s not true!" Olivier said squeezing Thomas`s hand "You`re not fat, your not flabby and you are certainly not disgusting"  
"Ar`nt I?" Thomas asked raising an eyebrow "I gorge on enough food to feed an army and then purge till I can barely breath!, and then I go and do it again and again!, it`s like I have a devil living inside of me!, that constantly wants feeding, and I can`t stop eating until my Stomach feels like it`s going to burst!, and then I have to get the food out!, because if I don`t.....if I don`t....." tears began to flow down Thomas`s cheeks as he struggled to speak, Olivier`s face creasing with compassion and empathized pain "If I don`t get it all out then I`ll just get even more disgusting and huge!, and if that happens I.............I.......God Ollie! I don`t know what to do!", as Thomas broke down into sobs Olivier pulled him into his arms pressing his brothers head against his chest and stroked his hair   
"It`ll be alright Mon Petit frere" he soothed "I`ll help you if you let me"  
"You can`t stop the voice though!, you can`t make it stop telling me to do this!" Thomas sobbed gripping his Brothers jerkin between his fingers like a life line   
"No, but together we can stop it, together we can make it go away" Olivier said "I won`t let the Voice win, you`re my baby brother and no one and nothing will take you away from me".

Present day 

 

Athos grit his teeth and clenched his fists as he watched Aramis trying to coax d`Artagnan into eating a tiny bowl of porridge even as the boy refused, telling him to give it to someone who needed the food!, that he was underserving and did not need to eat!  
"d`Art come on, you know you need to eat, you have to eat!, everyone does" Aramis said with a patience of a saint as the boy continued to look away biting his bottom lip and looking at war with himself.

Was there a voice here? Athos wandered, did d`Artagnan hear the same voice as Thomas did, a voice telling him not to eat, where as it had told Thomas to gorge and purge?  
"D`Art" Porthos growled starting to loose his temper "So help me if you don`t eat then I will force this lot down your throat!"   
"Porthos!" Aramis hissed scowling at him but the large Musketeer went on undaunted   
"I know of kids in the Court of Miracles who`d be grateful for that breakfast!"   
"Then give it to them!" d`Artagnan cried throwing up his hands in exasperation "I keep telling you to give it to someone else!"  
"You need it yourself!" Porthos roared "Now bloody eat or I will force you to!",   
"Porthos enough!" Athos said finally joining in the....conversation "Go on down to breakfast yourself, let me handle this"  
"You?" Aramis asked incredulasly, however one look from Athos had him handing over the try and leaving with Porthos letting Athos sit down with a sigh and a sad smile towards d`Artagnan.

"So" Athos sighed as he stirred the porridge "Why don`t you want to eat?" he asked "This may not be the worlds best cuisine granted!, but Serges cooking is`nt bad, I`ve had much worse over the years!", shifting in his seat he got a little closer to the Gason "There was this Inn we stayed in, in Poitiers, and I would swear it was three day old dog corpse they served us for dinner!, we`d have rather eaten out boots than that muck!, shoe leather would have tasted much better I can tell you"  
"I`m sure" d`Artagnan whispered   
"This porridge is`nt bad though" Athos said taking a small spoonful himself "Good and thick, and sweetened with honey, you should try it"  
"No thanks" d`Artagnan replied   
"Oh come one, just a mouthful"  
"Athos I said no!" d`Artagnan cried "I apreciate you guys are worried about me, but you don`t need to be!, I don`t need food, I can be fine without it, you should give that to Jacques, he`s a growing boy!, needs all the food he can get!".

"You are not fine" Athos said setting the bowl down "You are very weak and frail, you need to eat!"  
"So does Jacques!"  
"Jacques is already having his breakfast, so you have yours!"  
"No!" d`Artagnan could feel himself starting to panic, he was trapped here at present, with his injuries he could not escape before Athos grabbed him, and what if that happened?, would he and Porthos force feed him?,   
'If you eat someone will go hungry, someone will die'  
"Please Athos" he all but begged "I can`t go through it again!, please just........just let me be!".

Go through?, go through what? Athos wondered frowning at the words   
"What d`you mean mon petit?" he asked "Go through what?"  
"Just,................just let me rest, I`ll be up and about in a day or so, and we can spar and...."  
"D`Artagnan!" Athos sighed only just managing to keep hold of his own temper "You will not be leaving this room until you have started eating properly and gained some weight!", the look of fear that flashed across d`Artagnan`s face was not missed by Athos as he went on   
"You will also not be considered fit for duty until your are healthy"  
"I am!" d`Artagnan whispered looking down at the coverlet fighting back tears of worry and fear   
"You could loose your commission if you stay like this" Athos cautioned hoping the threat would be enough to get through to the boy who`d head shot up in fright   
"You have to be fit and healthy to be a Musketeer" Athos remineded him "And right now, you are neither".

"I`m sorry I lost my temper Mis" Porthos said around a croissant "I just...........I`d rather force feed him than see him waste away!"  
"I know Querida, I feel the same" Aramis agreed as he picked at the remains of his eggs "But I don`t think threats will be the answer right now, I think it`ll only make him resort to other methods to carry on as he is"  
"Like what?" Porthos asked   
"Like hiding food after pretending to eat, openly lying to us, doing whatever he can to not eat, and stay that way even at the risk of his own life"

 

D`Artagnan felt sick as he lay in bed, his stomach leaden and bloated with the porridge inside it.

After much persuasion and argument, Athos had gotten him to eat the bowl full, relenting on the bread, but making him drink the milk aswell.

Unused to having his stomach full, d`Artagnan felt lethargic and sickly, his stomach as heavy as if he`d swallowed solid rock.

Curling up on his side he brought his knees to his chest clenching his fists as he tried to fight his guilt and hatred for having eaten, Athos would`nt lie to him would he?, Jacques would have eaten day would`nt he?, but then did that mean someone else had gone hungry?.

Just that thought made his stomach feel heavier than ever, and bring tears to his eyes,  
"Are you feeling alright?" Athos asked sitting down on the side of the bed behind d`Artagnan, who shrugged his shoulders not trusting himself to reply,  
"Is your stomach hurting?" Athos asked placing a hand on his shoulder "When you`ve gone for a long time without food, it can make your stomach hurt when it has food in it again"  
"M`fine" d`Artagnan mumbled.

Athos sighed rubbing his face with one hand, trying to think of what to do, how was it that talking to d`Artagnan right now was so difficult?, maybe because he did`nt know what to say to him?, but then he did did`nt he?, maybe talking to d`Artagnan about Thomas would help.

"You know" he said as casually as he could "Thomas was like you", he watched d`Artagnan`s still form for response, when none was forth coming he pressed on  
"He was afraid of getting fat, would eat more food than his stomach could contain, then make himself sick".

D`Artagnan shifted in the bed turning to look at Athos with a frown "i don`t do that" he said "I`ve never done that"  
"No" Athos allowed "You just don`t eat, but it ammounts to the same result dos`nt it?, starving yourself so you can stay thin?".

D`Artagnan opened his mouth and closed it trying to think of something to say and shaking his head "I`m not, I don`t try to make myself stay thin, I don`t care about what I look like", wetting his lips he sat up turning fully to look at Athos   
"I`m sorry about Thomas, and what was wrong with him, but I`m not like that".

"I know you don`t make yourself sick" Athos agreed taking d`Artagnan`s hand into his own, holding the long slender appendage in both his calloused hands rubbing his thumbs over d`Artagnan`s knuckles gently "But you are starving yourself, why?, what makes you want to do this?".

Athos`s piercing blue eyes bore into d`Artagnan`s shifting brown orbs, he was`nt able to maintain eye contact, felt like Athos was stripping him naked and looking deep inside him, of all the dreams he`d had in the past of the stoic man doing just that!, stripping him naked and.........d`Artagnan cut off that thought, there was no way Athos would be interested in him, why would he?, when he could have his pick of anyone he wanted?, why would be want a weak willed, worthless, sinful creature like d`Artagnan?.

Athos watched as d`Artagnan seemed to be fighting a war inside hi own head.

His expression morose, and bottom lip wobbling as he went through his mind   
"You can talk to me about anything" Athos said squeezing d`Artagnan`s hand bringing the younger mans attention back to him "Nothing you can say will shock me"  
"Oh really?" d`Artagnan snorted pulling his hand back "What if I said I killed my own Mother!?, would that shock you?".

Athos stared at the younger man, hardly able to believe what he was saying, doubting very much that it was true even as he tried to rationalize it himself   
"D`Art, many woman die in child birth, and it`s no ones fault, it just happens" he said imagining that was what d`Artagnan was talking about "You can`t be blamed...."  
"No!, she did`nt die in child birth" d`Artagnan said his face creasing with irritation, or perhaps just frustration "She died because of me, it`s my fault she`s dead"  
"That.......thats not true" Athos said shaking his head "I know you, you would never kill your own Mother"  
"But I did" d`Artagnan whispered looking away "Everyone I love I destroy, I`m like an acid, destroying everything I touch"  
"d`Artagnan...?"  
"No Athos, it`s true" he stated looking directly at the older man with absalute certainty on his face "I am nothing but destruction, and I bring nothing but misery and death wherever I go".

Athos was`nt able to speak after d`Artagnan`s words, he watched in shock as the boy rolled back over onto his side, curling up into a ball to go to sleep.  
Why would d`Artagnan think that he was responsible for his Mothers death?, why would he think himself the cause for misery and death?.

Since d`Artagnan had arrived in Paris Athos had felt happier than he had in years, the boy had brought a light and joy back to his life, made him feel truly alive once more, made him want to get up in the mornings and do more than just drink himself stupid.  
How could he have missed this?, how could he have not seen how miserable d`Artagnan was, that he was hating himself like this?, there was clearly more going on here than just a desire to remain thin, there was something else wrong with d`Artagnan than there had been with Thomas, what he needed was information, about d`Artagnan`s past, his parents, siblings if he had any.

True d`Artagnan had never spoken on family beyond his late Father, but Athos had a feeling that all this stemmed from his youth in Gascony.

As the boy began to mutter and whimper in his sleep Athos gave into his protective desire and got onto the bed behind d`Artagnan, wrapping his arms protectively about the boy and spooning around him resting his nose in d`Artagnan`s thinning hair that was starting to fall out from lack of nutrician  
"I`m not giving up on you" he whispered placing a chaste kiss into d`Artagnan`s hair "One way or another I`ll get you through this".


	4. Chapter 4

After that horrible breakfast d`Artagnan had found a way to keep Athos happy, and to make sure he did`nt have to eat.

A win, win situation as far as he was concerned.

Certainly the voice in his head agreed it was, encouraging his deception.

Athos, Aramis, and Porthos continued to bring him meals, small, and bland so as not to upset his delicate stomach.  
Before their eyes he seemed to consume the whole plate of bowl full, without putting up any fuss at all.

It was very easy, far easier than d`Artagnan imagined it would be.

All he had to do was use a napkin, he could hold the food in his mouth for a moment, pretending to chew and swallow, then when he went to wipe his mouth, he would push it quickly into the folds and hide the mouthful under the bed sheets.

He was able to avoid the discovery of the uneaten food by the fact his friends trusted him enough to let him use the privy on his own, and the ablutions hut, both of which had windows opening into an ally behind the garrison, the food was easily discarded out of the windows, where any lucky beggar could find it.

Part of d`Artagnan did feel guilty at deceiving his friends, especially Athos, who looked at him with such pride and encouragement when he appeared to be eating, that it sent a knife blade of shame into d`Artagnan`s heart to know that he was lying to the man.

'You have to do this' the voice whispered on in his head, whenever his resolve weakened 'You don`t deserve to eat, someone who does will find that food, and they will live because of it'  
The gratification of this made d`Artagnan feel warm inside, helping him ignore the churning in his stomach, he was eating even less than normal, practically all the food he was given going out of the window, and that combined with the fact his body was still struggling to heal from his injuries was making him weaker and more lethargic and worn out.

He was`nt able to stay warm, his body constantly feeling cold, and his joints aching as if he had been training, when all he was doing was laying in bed!.

His head ached, and everytime he stood he was almost knocked over with a rush of dizziness, he also noticed that he was starting to grow a patch of downy hair on shoulder blades, while the hair on his head continued to thin and fall out.

All of which had not gone unnoticed by Athos, Aramis and Porthos."It`s been three weeks!" Aramis said running a hand through his hair "He should be gaining weight not loosing it!, he is eating everything thats given to him is`nt he?"  
"Every mouthful" Athos replied taking a drink from his wine skin as they walked the streets on patrol   
"And yet he`s getting thinner each day!" Aramis growled kicking at a discarded wine bottle and sending it rolling across the the streets.

Both men had to stop on the walk and step back against the wall as two men on horse back went past, a noble and his servent by the looks of the clothing and the superior look on the face of the man in the lead, "Tosser!" Aramis spat "I`ve proberly fucked his wife!"  
"Is there any wife in Paris you have not!?" Athos asked back with a risen eyebrow "I don`t know how Porthos dos`nt have you chained to the bed!"  
"He has on occasion!"  
"Mon Dieu!" Athos groaned slapping a hand over his eyes as Aramis cackled gleefully!, "You`re impossible!" Athos grunted   
"Ah, c`mon!, don`t tell me you would`nt like to have a certain Gascon chained to the bed and at your mercy!" Aramis teased as they continued on down the streets.

Athos gave him one of his famous "I am to polite to say what I really think of you, but I`ll show it by merely glaring!" looks!  
"He might be sick" Aramis said turning serious again "Something.....I don`t know, some kind of wasting sickness, I mean he`s eating, but he`s not gaining weight, he`s loosing it, and getting sicker and weaker as the result"  
"I know" Athos whispered, he hated the sight of d`Artagnan`s bones sticking out of his pale skin, his hollow cheeks bones and shadowed eyes, the down that was appearing on his skin, indicative of premature babies, most of whom did not survive to see their first year, and the starving in the streets.

"We should think about getting him a physician" Aramis said as they turned into the ally that led behind the garrison "Someone with knowledge of........well more knowledge than I have"  
"I look into it" Athos said, his mind already thinking of men in Turkey, the best Doctors in the world even if they were Heretics, nothing but the best for d`Artagnan, because damn it all to hell he was not loosing that boy! not if there was something he could do about it, a frown crossed his face as the drew level with the window leading out of the ablutions hut in the garrison, where three rats were devouring a large pile of food.

"What the hell?" Aramis whispered kicking at the damn rodents "Serge has been complaining about more rats about the place, I guess he was right" he sighed look in disgust as the vile creatures ran off, however Athos was scowling at the half devoured food on the ground his eyes darkening as anger began to rise in him   
"Athos?" Aramis asked   
"d`Artagnan" Athos growled "This was his breakfast, porridge, bread, and an apple!, the breakfast we thought he ate, and what he actually got rid of", cursing Athos surged forward heading towards the garrison  
"But how?" Aramis asked jogging to keep up   
"Napkins!, those bloody napkins!, thats why he`s still loosing weight!, he`s still starving himself!" Athos snarled, stroming into the garrison and bellowing for Serge!.

Ordering a large bowl of porridge from the elderly retired Musketeer, which Serge promptly returned from the kitchens with handing it over to a seething Athos who headed straight for d`Artagnan`s room   
"What are you going to do?" Aramis asked more than a little worried by Athos temper right now   
"What has to be done" Athos replied coldly as the two of them went to d`Artagnan`s room.

Porthos jumped, as did d`Artagnan as Athos and Aramis burst into the room, the door hitting the wall with a crash.

"Whats up?" Porthos asked as Athos set the porridge on the table   
"He`s been lying to us, starving himself" Aramis replied seeing the fear that crossed d`Artagnan`s face "Throwing the food out of the windows of the latrines"  
"What?" Porthos whispered, however he had little time to think about this, as Athos acted.

Grabbing d`Artagnan`s wrists Athos hauled him up from the bed, dragging him over to the chair Porthos had vacated and forcing him to sit down, and sitting on top of the Gascon keeping his arms pinned down in a painfully tight grip   
"You are going to eat" he growled at the frightened Gascon "Whether you want it or not, you will eat"  
"I have been, I am, I swear!" d`Artagnan cried, tears filling his frightened eyes, he struggled under Athos weight, but in his weakened state he could hardly fight him, and Athos held him easily, turning his head over his shoulder to Porthos and Aramis.

"One of you take his head and open his mouth" he ordered, "The other, feed him"  
"NO!" d`Artagnan screamed continuing his struggles, tipping his head back, he brought it forward with a crack into Athos nose, bloodying his nose and making him loosen his grip, giving d`Artagnan a chance to squirm free, though he did not get far, as Porthos grabbed him about the waist, dragging him up onto the bed and getting him into a bear hug, pinning him to his chest, while Athos wiped the blood from his face, spitting on the floor as Aramis got the porridge ready   
"I`ll open his mouth then" Athos said   
"No!, let me go!" d`Artagnan screamed trying to fight Porthos imense strength   
"No chance lad, you`re not going anywhere" Porthos replied holding him easily   
"We did`nt want to do this d`Artagnan" Aramis said with a sigh as he filled the spoon "But you`ve not given us a choice".

Trying to shift his head and clamp his jaw was of no use as Athos took hold of his face, and forced his mouth open, Aramis swiftly put a spoonful of porridge into his mouth letting Athos close his jaw and pinch his nose, tipping his head back, giving d`Artagnan no choice but to swallow or choke or suffocate.

Tears were rolling down his cheeks, his brown eyes imploring them not to do this, weakly he tried to fight against Porthos, tried to get free, but he could`nt, and all to protests he made fell on deaf ears as Athos continued to open his mouth, and Aramis filled it, forcing him to swallow whether he wanted to or not.

By the time the bowl was empty, d`Artagnan`s sobbing was bordering on hysterical, his chest heaving, and sobs tearing at his throat, as his fragile body shook in Porthos arms, which he slowly loosened, letting d`Artagnan free, not that he managed ti get further than a single lurch forward, his tired, shaking body giving out on him as he continued to cry.

His anger now receeded Athos felt his gut clench at the sight of his beloved Gascon looking so broken, so wretched.  
Gently he gathered d`Artagnan into his arms pressing the boys head into his chest and taking Porthos place on the bed, and easing back so d`Artagnan was almost curled up in his lap   
"I`m sorry" he whispered stroking the boys thin hair "But I can`t let you starve to death, I won`t let you starve to death"  
d`Artagnan made a choked noise as he continued to cry, clinging to Athos`s doublet letting the older man comfort him and sooth him until his breathing slowed and the tears subsided.

However by this time, d`Artagnan had completely exhausted himself, sleep coming on quickly, and he drifted off still clinging to Athos as the older man stroked his head and back.

"I hated that" Aramis declared as he and Porthos went to their own apartment, "I hated hurting him, seeing him so distressed, so upset, and we were with ones making him upset!"  
"We did`nt have a choice Mis" Porthos said drawing the slighter man into an embrace "You know we did`nt".

Aramis nodded, tears filling his eyes and a shudder running through his body   
"If he dos`nt get better soon Port..........."  
"He will, we`ll make sure of it" Porthos said kissing his forehead "We`ll get him healthy again"  
"How!?, by force feeding him?" Aramis cried, shoving out of Porthos hold to pace the room raking a hand through his hair, a constant gesture when he was frustrated   
"He nearly made himself sick he was distressed!" Aramis cried "He won`t get better like that!"  
"No but at least he`ll be getting some nutrician" Porthos said knowing it was better to let Aramis rant, and get it out of his system than to intervine   
"We have to get to the bottom of whats wrong with him!" Aramis shouted "He`s..........theres something eating at him, making him want to starve, want to make himself ill"  
"We`ve got to figure out what and why" Porthos said reaching for his lover as he sagged and pulling him into an embrace pressing a fierce kiss into his mane of hair   
"Promise me we will?" Aramis whispered burying his face into Porthos broad chest and snuggling against his cuddly bear like love   
"Cross my heart darlin`" Porthos replied easily lifting Aramis up so he was wrapping his long legs about his waist supporting him by his buttocks "Now?, is there any way I can help cheer you up?" he asked   
"Well....." Aramis drawled locking his arms about Porthos neck "Perhaps I can think of a few things!".

Back in d`Artagnan`s room, Athos was spooning about the boy who had woken, in a sleepy, sorrowful state   
"Why d`you do this d`Art?" he asked "Do you want to die?"  
"I deserve to" d`Artagnan whispered sniffling into the pillow, he felt like his stomach would burst it felt so full and bloated from the food which had been forced inside it, and he hated himself for loving the delicious warmth of Athos against his back and the mans hands rubbing his belly, easing the cramps and making him feel warm and secure.

"Why would you think that?" Athos asked as gently as he could, knowing that loosing his temper was`nt going to help matters, being gentle would loosen d`Artagnan`s tongue better   
"Mammon" d`Artagnan mumbled "She died cause of me", he whimpered sniffing "Was`nt enough food for us all, so she starved so me an Alexis and Edmund could eat", he gave a weak sob at the memory of his painfully thin, weak Mother,   
"I stopped eating so much, gave it to Alexis and Edmund, so she would have more, but I still ate too much, and she.......she.......she got sick and..........." d`Artagnan broke down into tears once again, crying silently into his pillow.

Athos closed his eyes, his heart breaking for the boy in his arms, imagining the pain he must have felt at loosing his Mother so young.  
Living on a farm, the heavy taxes year after year, trying to feed a large family would not have been easy, it was hardly a surprise food had been spread thin, but that d`Artagnan blamed himself for his Mothers death, a death that had been brought on by simple nature, the cruelty of life, was heart breaking.

"It was`nt your fault" Athos whispered pulling d`Artagnan closer to him "It was no one`s fault, these things happen, it just.........it was not any wrong doing of yours that made her die"  
"It had to be!" d`Artagnan insisted thickly "Cause after Pere made me eat again Edmund died, and Alexis!, both my brothers Athos!, they died because of me!"  
"I do not and will not believe that" Athos said swallowing back the lump in his throat "What happened?, how did they die?"  
"I told you!, I killed them!"   
"No!".

Athos sat up and rolled d`Artagnan over so the boys eyes were meeting his "I don`t believe you killed them, tell me what happened?"  
"They......Edmund got the plague" d`Artagnan whispered "Alexis......when Mammon died he started drinking, and he..........Pere threw him out when he found him beating me"  
"How old where you?" Athos whispered feeling sick inside   
"I was eight Edmund was six and Alexis was fourteen" d`Artagnan mumbled wiping his running nose "He got killed in a bar fight when I was fifteen"   
"Then his death is most certainly not of your making, nore was Edmunds" Athos said "The plague takes thousands of lives, it`s tragic but it happens"  
"No you don`t understand!" d`Artagnan said shaking his head "Pere was making me eat again!, so Edmund had less!, thats why he died!"  
"d`Artagnan you just said he had the plague, thats why he died!" Athos said reaching out and cupping his cheek "And Alexis got himself killed through his own foolishness, not any of your doing!"  
"But............he would`nt have started drinking if Mammon had`nt died!" d`Artagnan protested shaking his head   
"You can`t know that, and her death was not of your making" Athos said giving d`Artagnan a gentle smile "How old were you when all this started?, when you stopped eating?"  
"Four" d`Artagnan whispered "I came down stairs to get a drink and heard Mammon and Pere talking, he was shouting at her, for not eating, giving her food to me and Edmund".

Athos sighed imagining the impact that would have had on a four year old boy, a boy who loved his Mother, and wanted to do the right thing, "So you stopped eating" he whispered  
"Not completely" d`Artagnan said "But......it......I managed on less and less so Mammon had more, but I still ate too much because she died!, and then when Pere made me eat more again Edmund died!, So you see?, I killed them!, if I eat then someone dies!, If I live then......." d`Artagnan did`nt get any further because Athos had pulled him into an embrace holding him tight and rubbing his back and kissing his head.

"You did`nt kill them, you`re eating properly has NO effect on anyone`s life or death, you are not evil, you are........" Athos paused "You are a very large hearted boy, a boy who always wants to help and make things right", lifting d`Artagnan`s head Athos kissed his forehead and looked him in the eyes   
"You were terribly traumatized as a child, over hearing your parents argument, and then loosing your Mother shortly after" Athos said "Then following that with your Brothers behavier and then their deaths, none of this is your fault, you have done nothing wrong except to yourself", he gave d`Artagnan a gentle shake locking eyes with him "You have to stop hurting yourself, you have to believe me and start eating again"  
"How can I?" d`Artagnan whispered "What if...........what if....I can`t loose anyone else!"  
"Neither can I" Athos said his voice catching in his throat as he drew d`Artagnan back into his arms "And I won`t".


	5. Chapter 5

d`Artagnan awoke half burried under Athos snoring form.  
The older man was a warm heavy weight over his body, providing both comfort and security in sleep.

The revalations of the night before had worn d`Artagnan out, leading him to fall into a heavy sleep, Athos following soon after, and both had remained almost unmoving through out the night, still curled up in a snug position that had d`Artagnan both happy for the contact with Athos, but also panicing as he was`nt sure what to do.

If he moved he would disturb Athos, and that was the last thing he wanted, but he had a rather pressing need to move since his cock, which was errect was pressing rather firmly under him, and demanding attention from him!, also Athos had the same affliction which was pressing very firmly against d`Artagnan`s buttocks!.

He knew it was only natural that Athos had a morning errection, and that it was nothing to be ashamed of, but that did`nt stop d`Artagnan from blushing and biting his bottom lip wishing he knew what to do.  
He froze when he heard Athos give a grunt and felt him move as he awoke.

Athos was awoken to the sight of d`Artagnan`s hair which was next to his face, and his body locked about the boy who was rigid in his arms  
"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly  
"Yeah" d`Artagnan whispered trying not to notice Athos`s growing errection which seemed harder than ever "I.....I just need....." d`Artagnan broke off, his cheeks colouring, how could he possibly say that he needed to releave himself to Athos?, when it would also bring notice to the similar problem Athos was sporting.

Still in a half haze of sleep, and comfortable in the shared warmth of d`Artagnan`s body against his own, he reached out to stroke d`Artagnan`s cheek  
"What do you need?" he purred making d`Artagnan whimper as the contact seemed to send lightning bolts to his groin!  
"I....I need...........I have to...it`s morning!" d`Artagnan groaned at the stupidity of his words, which brought a chuckle from Athos who pressed closer still into him   
"Yes, it`s morning" Athos whispered "A bright and clear morning I believe" shifting slightly which made d`Artagnan groan as Athos`s errection was shoved between his buttocks!, finally gaining Athos attention and making him realize what d`Artagnan ahd been hinting about.

There were two ways in which Athos could react to this.

One, he simply pulled away from d`Artagnan, and absented himself from the room giving them both a chance to, ah, releave themselves!.  
Two, he could take a chance, and give into the desires that had been burning inside him for far to long now.

For the first time, in a very long while, Athos decided on the second course of action, his calloused hand coming down d`Artagnan`s painfully thin hip to pull up his night shirt and slip between his legs and wrap about the boy`s ridgid cock   
"Athos!?" d`Artagnan`s voice was a horse whisper his breathing erratic and body all but shaking with uncertainty   
"Tell me to stop and I will" Athos said beginning to move his hand up and down d`Artagnan`s cock making the boy gasp and moan "D`you want me to stop?" Athos asked pressing a kiss against d`Artagnan`s ear "tell me to stop"  
"No!" d`Artagnan half sobbed his eyes shut tight, his breathing hitched as Athos began to rub himself against his backside!, giving his cock delicious firction as he continued to masterbate d`Artagnan who was soon panting and whimpering desperately   
"Come for me Mon petit" Athos whispered pressing a kiss onto d`Artagnan`s cheek "Come", with a shuddering cry and long moan d`Artagnan spilling in Athos hand, the older man following swiftly against his buttocks and burying his face into d`Artagnan`s neck which he peppered with kisses "Mon petit Gascon".  
Porthos awoke to the delicious pleasure of his cock inside Aramis`s mouth, that sinfully skilled tongue rolling about the head and lips sucking hard upon his flesh making him groan for pleasure and reach down to press gently on Aramis`s head, cursing as he felt the light scrape of teeth against his cock just as Aramis knew he loved it!, and wicked fingers reaching up to toy with his balls rolling them and manipulating them as Aramis continued to suckle on him swallowing his cock deeply as if he had no gag reflex at all and squeezed Porthos balls just enough to painful and bring him to release in a thick stream down his throat!.

"Good God!" Porthos panted as Aramis`s head appeared from under the blankets licking his lips lewdly "You are incorrigable"  
"And you love it!" Aramis chuckled moving up to straddle the larger man and began to rut his own errection against Porthos spent cock and balls "Almost as much as you love me!"  
"Vain little fucker ar`nt ye?" Porthos snorted but reaching down to pinch Aramis`s arse anyway "Gorgeous little slut!, you`d make a dead man rise up!"  
"Don`t know about that!" Aramis purred thrusting down and wriggling wickedly "But I do know I make you rise up!".

 

Back at the garrison, d`Artagnan was sat on the side of his bed, washed clean and dressed back in a fresh night shirt, he swung his legs as Athos set a plate of fresh croissants on the small table along with a pot of jam, and a bowl of butter   
"I don`t want to force you to eat again" he said making the Gascon look up with shadowed eyes "Please, don`t make me"  
"I don`t want you to" d`Artagnan whispered looking at the pastry "I just........"  
You do not deserve to eat, if you eat that someone will suffer!, what right have you to indulge and feast? the voice snarled at him making d`Artagnan wince and bite his bottom lip   
"Talk to me d`Artagnan" Athos said sitting down into the chair in front of him, the food beside them "What are you thinking?"  
He`ll think your mad, he`ll hate you, he`ll leave you!  
"You know?" Athos said "Thomas said he heard a voice in his head, a voice telling him not to eat, to make himself sick", d`Artagnan`s head shot up in surprise at this getting Athos attention and he nodded his head   
"What does the voice say to you?" he asked gently reaching out to squeeze d`Artagnan`s hand   
"You don`t think I`m mad?" d`Artagnan asked gripping Athos hand, hoping desperately that the voice was lying to him, that Athos would remain with him   
"No, never" Athos said raising d`Artagnan`s hand to his lips and kissing it gently "You are troubled, and ill, but not insane, would I have lain with you if I thought you were?"   
"No" d`Artagnan whispered seeing the truth in this   
"No indeed" Athos said "I love you Charles, and I want to help you, if you`ll let me".  
d`Artagnan`s forehead creased and he pressed his lips into a line as he fought inside himself eventually nodding his head "It says...............says I don`t deserve to eat, that.........that I`ll be like the Romans" he whispered his breath hitching in his throat   
"That I`ll be decadent, and fat, and sinful, that people will suffer if I eat!"  
"It`s lying" Athos said "You are not sinful or selfish, and no one will suffer if you eat, I promise"  
squeezing d`Artagnan`s hand he gave him a gentle smile "Have I ever lied to you?"  
"No"   
"Then will you trust me?", d`Artagnan hesitated, looking to be fighting a war in his heart fighting against the devil inside his own head, before nodding and swallowing hard forcing himself to trust in Athos and ignore the voice.

Smiling in relief, Athos took up one of the croissants and tore it open, dipping it into the jam and held it before d`Artagnan`s mouth, after a brief hesitation, the boy opened his mouth letting Athos feed him slowly, with small bite size peices of pastry dipped in jam.

It took time, and after two thirds of the croissant d`Artagnan had, had enough, his small stomach already filled and needing time to digest before he ate anything else.  
Figuring it best not to push any more on the boy lest he become sick, Athos relented offering instead praise for a first step forward, hoping that this would be the hardest step and that after this it would be easier.

Part of Athos wanted to hate Alexandre d`Artagnan.

He wanted to be able to blame the man for what had befallen in his only living son.

How could he have been so blind for so many years?, how could he have not seen his Son starving himself to death?.  
Yes Athos could understand, that at first the man had been lost in grief, had been trying to keep his remaining family alive, but what about after d`Artagnan`s younger brother had died?, had`nt he seen his son growing thinner again?, pushing away food?, how could he have not seen the effects of d`Artagnan`s self punishment?.

However, Athos knew it was not that simple, he had seen first hand just how devious those afflicted with this kind of problem could be.  
It had been years before Thomas`s condition had come to light, and even when it had been, he had continued to binge and purge behind their backs, hiding his dangerous and potentialy deadly actions from his family, it had not been until he had burst the veins in his throat and feared for his own life that he had finally accepted that he needed help.

Athos recalled that their Father had been little help.

The former Comte, had no time for people with illnesses, especially ones that no physician had a name for, or could explain as anything other than a form of insanity.

His solution had been to slap Thomas about the face and tell him to grow up!.

Their mother, a kind and gentle soul had been more understanding, she had mearly feared for Thomas`s life, begging him to stop what he was doing, pleading with him, and bursting into tears every time one of his binges and purges came to light.

Once Thomas had finally accepted he needed help, and allowed himself to be helped, it was still difficult for him to fight his inner demons.  
He would have periods of relapsing, and be disgusted with himself after he had done so.  
What was harder however, had been to catch him in the midst of or just after a binge, when he would be intent on vomiting.  
One would need to literally tie him down to keep him from making himself ill since he would be so desperate to purge his body.

Athos could remember holding his brothers trembling body, laying his whole body weight over him to keep him pinned to the bed and prevent him from making himself ill, his mouth stained for the food he forced into his body, his stomach bloated and swollen with amount of food inside it, making Thomas horribly uncomfortable aswell as deeply distressed.  
However it was far safer to help Thomas through the discomfort, to hold him until he fell asleep, than to let him making himself vomit.

Athos was greatly relieved that he did not have to face the same miseries with d`Artagnan, yet he was on the alert for it, especially as Thomas had confessed to starving himself at first, before his hunger grew to much for him to bear.  
He worried that since d`Artagnan was being made to eat now, he would resort to other methods, though his reasons for starving himself had never been to loose weight, Athos still worried about d`Artagnan going down that route.  
Part of Athos wanted to hate Alexandre d`Artagnan.

He wanted to be able to blame the man for what had befallen in his only living son.

How could he have been so blind for so many years?, how could he have not seen his Son starving himself to death?.  
Yes Athos could understand, that at first the man had been lost in grief, had been trying to keep his remaining family alive, but what about after d`Artagnan`s younger brother had died?, had`nt he seen his son growing thinner again?, pushing away food?, how could he have not seen the effects of d`Artagnan`s self punishment?.

However, Athos knew it was not that simple, he had seen first hand just how devious those afflicted with this kind of problem could be.  
It had been years before Thomas`s condition had come to light, and even when it had been, he had continued to binge and purge behind their backs, hiding his dangerous and potentialy deadly actions from his family, it had not been until he had burst the veins in his throat and feared for his own life that he had finally accepted that he needed help.

Athos recalled that their Father had been little help.

The former Comte, had no time for people with illnesses, especially ones that no physician had a name for, or could explain as anything other than a form of insanity.

His solution had been to slap Thomas about the face and tell him to grow up!.

Their mother, a kind and gentle soul had been more understanding, she had mearly feared for Thomas`s life, begging him to stop what he was doing, pleading with him, and bursting into tears every time one of his binges and purges came to light.

Once Thomas had finally accepted he needed help, and allowed himself to be helped, it was still difficult for him to fight his inner demons.  
He would have periods of relapsing, and be disgusted with himself after he had done so.  
What was harder however, had been to catch him in the midst of or just after a binge, when he would be intent on vomiting.  
One would need to literally tie him down to keep him from making himself ill since he would be so desperate to purge his body.

Athos could remember holding his brothers trembling body, laying his whole body weight over him to keep him pinned to the bed and prevent him from making himself ill, his mouth stained for the food he forced into his body, his stomach bloated and swollen with amount of food inside it, making Thomas horribly uncomfortable aswell as deeply distressed.  
However it was far safer to help Thomas through the discomfort, to hold him until he fell asleep, than to let him making himself vomit.

Athos was greatly relieved that he did not have to face the same miseries with d`Artagnan, yet he was on the alert for it, especially as Thomas had confessed to starving himself at first, before his hunger grew to much for him to bear.  
He worried that since d`Artagnan was being made to eat now, he would resort to other methods, though his reasons for starving himself had never been to loose weight, Athos still worried about d`Artagnan going down that route.

 

As for the Gascons eating it was slow going.

After so long without decent food he had little apatite and his stomach was quickly full, while it was tempting to force him to consume more, Athos did not do so, knowing it would only result in making d`Artagnan ill, since his body would not be able to accept that much food yet.

He was also suffered with constant abdomenal discomfort, his organs so unused to digesting having been empty for so long, that they were causing him agonising cramps, bloating, heart burn, and acid reflux.

He had tired to hide the problem at first, not wanting Athos to see his discomfort, or his bloated belly.  
However the wincing from the cramps, and the light sweat on his face Athos had easily guessed the problem, and curled up on the bed behind d`Artagnan wrapping his arms about him to rub his aching middle.

"You need never be ashamed" Athos whispered into d`Artagnan`s ear "You have nothing to be ashamed of"  
"It`s pathetic though" d`Artagnan sniffled relaxing in the warm embrace of Athos`s body against him "A grown man suffering with colic!"  
"Well, just as long as you don`t spit up on my shoulder!" Athos teased making d`Artagnan giggle in spite of himself "Or require me to change your underwear!, I do draw the lines at some things!"  
"Athos!"  
"Hush" Athos chuckled kissing his cheek gently "Rest yourself, let your body relax, as your muscles relax, your stomach will ease"  
"Hard to relax when your holding me" d`Artagnan mumbled, closing his eyes and breathing deeply none the less "Relaxing is the last thing I want to do, get excited and....."  
"And that can wait" Athos replied holding him closer "Not until you are stronger", until d`Artagnan was healthy, and more confident, he would not lie with him beyond simple hand jobs, and kissing and cuddling.

The fact d`Artagnan was a virgin was not a shock to him, the boy was so insecure about himself, it was not wonder he had not lain with anyone, his virginity was something Athos wanted to treasure for a time, wanted him to loose it at the "right" time, and not until he was alot more self assured and not so vulnerable or fragile.

The daily snuggles on the bed was something Athos more than enjoyed, and it had been that they were in such a position when Porthos and Aramis had come upon them, coming into the chamber unnannouced and bursting out laughing at the sight!.

"Well it`s about bloody time!" Aramis snorted "It took the two of you long enough"  
"You`ve been mooning over each other for months!" Porthos loudly laughed "I don`t know which was worse!, the Pup`s sorrowful eyes, or Athos grumpy sulking while you pined for each other!"  
"Pup!" d`Artagnan complained, his cheeks crimson none the less  
"I, do, not, sulk!" Athos snarled only resulting in the pair laughing harder and crowding over to the bed to check for love bites, and other tokens of loving!,  
"Leave off and get out!" Athos barked swatting at Aramis`s questing hands about his collar "Worse than a pair of ferrets!"  
"Oh Athos!, you wound me!" Aramis dramtically cried clasping a hand to his heart "When I was about to offer you much impartial advice!".

Athos rose an eyebrow at him his eyes narrowed suspiciously "What advice?" he asked his voice low with warning, warning that Aramis completely ignored,   
"Why, on all things relating to sodomy of course!" he replied in a bright innocent sounding voice, managing to avoid the swipe Athos took at him and backed swiftly to the door "Olive oil it exceptionally good for lube!"  
"Get out!" Athos roared   
"And silk scarves for bondage!"  
"OUT!!!".

Aramis bid a hasty retreat laughing his head off as he went, leaving Porthos smirking and holding up a hand as Athos looked about to turn his ire on him "We actually came to tell you two, there is a hot bath in the ablutions if you want it" he said "and I`ll leave the two of you to your honeymoon!", shooting a grin at the pair, he sauntered out of the room leaving Athos to look at d`Artagnan with a deep sigh and groan   
"Well at least it saves us telling them" he said   
"They......well they wer`nt shocked or upset either" d`Artagnan said looking some what shaken but amused by their teasing at the hands of their friends   
"Of course not, they love us both" Athos said pulling d`Artagnan in for a gentle kiss "Now would you care for a bath?".

 

There were six sunken roman like tubs in the ablutions, along with basic basins for simple washing, if one did not want to spend a long time bathing.  
There were also full length mirrors against the walls, a gift from His Majesty so the Musketeers could better groom themselves.

It was in one of these mirrors that d`Artagnan had caught sight of his reflection and looked more than a little troubled, as Athos added another bucket of hot water to the bath.

The last time d`Artagnan had seen his body, his bones had been protruding, his belly sunken, and hips sticking out like knives from his body.  
Three weeks of being fed small, but frequent meals had made a rapid impact on his body.  
His stomach was fuller, and his hips and ribs less visable, he was still underweight, and needed more care and time to recover fully, but he did not look as ill as he had.

However to his own eyes the image was frightening, a healthier look to him appeared, a pampered, lazy, and decadent form, heavy and useless rather than the whip cord body he was so use to seeing.

See?, see what happens when you don`t listen?, see what you become?, a lazy indolent sloth!, a weak indulgent knave!, worthless!, useless!  
D`Artagnan winced clenching his fists trying to shut out the voice in his head, trying not to listen to it, but it continued to roar on inside his head  
Why d`you think he has`nt lain with you?, why should he want to lay with such a disgusting decadent wretch as you?  
"You ready?" Athos asked looking up from the water startling d`Artagnan away from the mirror "Alright?" Athos asked with a frown seeing the troubled look on the boys face  
"Fine" d`Artagnan lied forcing and taking Athos hand sunk into the bath tub, trying to focus on Athos and not on the constant spite from the voice in his head.

D`Artagnan sighed as he looked at himself in his bedroom mirror.

Previously he had taken little concern with how he looked, being to occupied with other things, only glancing in a mirror briefly to shave when he produced enough stubble to do so, since a beared seemed impossible for him to grow and a messy stubble was all he could manage!, and of course to put a brush through his hair on occaision.

Now however, with his body changing so much he was finding his appearance disturbing to say the least.  
Athos had started to increase his portion sizes, and was still refusing to let him train, leaving him feeling lazy and heavy, which was not at all helped by the fact that his breeches were now too tight to do up about his waist.

Truth be told he had taken the breeches in shortly after he had arrived in Paris, eating less and less, and training so hard he had lost weight rapidly, and had been forced to take in the waist band of his breeches by a couple of inches as his stomach had shrunk with him starvation.

Now however his body was filling out once more, adding a healthy layer of flesh over his bones.  
He would gain fat at first, since his he had no fat on his body at all and his body needed to gain and store it, in order to turn it into muscle once he began training again.

Aramis had already explained this to him, the Musketeer and some time medic, some time priest, full time libertine!, had sat d`Artagnan down and explained to him how his body was going to react to his eating properly once more.

The stomach upsets at first were easing off now as his organs became accostomed to digesting, he was no longer suffering the agonising cramps and bloating that he had been before, however he was finding that anything rish still gave him heart burn, and so plain fair was being stuck to for the present, spices, and sweets being kept to a minimum.

As his body body began to settle into it`s new routine, it would start to store the nutrients from the food, to replenish what he had been lacking in.  
His bones would be absorbing the calcium strengthening once more, his immune system would be rebuilding itself, eventually his hair would begin to grow again, once there was enough surpluss energy for his body to spare for hair production, and his fat cells would be refilling, his lean muscles for a time being replaced with a layer of fat that would be easily converted to muscle once he was strong enough to do so, but until then he needed to let nature take it`s course, and let his body repair itself before he began training again so as not to hamper his recovery in any way.  
While he might dislike not being active, his body desperately needed to take the time and rest, and as Aramis said, once he began training again, he would be all the stronger for doing so, since he would have stronger larger muscles developing, and more energy to use.

D`Artagnan knew all this, but that did`nt make it any easier to see his body changing so much.  
Not when for the first time in his life he was worried about being attractive.  
With Athos and his relationship developing he was concerned about looking good for the older man, about Athos finding him attractive.

Athos had fallen for him when he was skinny, would he still like him when he was heavier?, d`Artagnan scowled at him his thickened waist tugging at the waist bands in a futile gesture to make them do up.  
Athos had not said anything against his changed body shape, and he must surely have noticed since they were sleeping together, sleeping being the only thing they were doing since Athos had yet to try anything more than the occaisional hand job.  
What if Athos did`nt like him anymore?, was`nt as attracted to him now he was gaining weight?.  
The very though sickened d`Artagnan, it made his heart hurt at the thought of loosing Athos, the man that made his insides flutter in excitment, and bring a warm tingle through his body.  
Not to mention brought an embaressing bulge in his breeches at various moments!.

Setting his sword aside as he came into the bedroom, Athos paused seeing d`Artagnan standing in front of the mirror looking miserable.

A sharp jolt of fear shot through Athos heart, as he was painfully reminded of Thomas in a similar situation.

Thomas was in tears as he stood in front of his mirror, several pairs of breeches discarded behind him, along with fitted doublets.  
His hands pinched painfully at his sides, his nails sinking into his flesh as large tears rolled down his red cheeks,  
"Nothing fits!" Thomas sobbed "God!, I`m disgusting!, I`m fat disgusting pig!"  
"No, no you`re not!" Olivier said coming up behind his brother and wrapping his arms about him, pulling him into a hug   
"How can you say that!?" Thomas cried, his fists balling against his brothers chest "I`ve out grown all my clothes!, I look like a blob!"  
"No you don`t" Olivier soothed gently stroking Thomas`s head letting his brother sob into his shirt   
"I do!, I`m revolting!, a fat bloated monster!, I hate it!, I hate myself so much I wish I was dead!".

Fear filled Oliviers heart at Thomas`s words, they were spoken with such anguish he feared that he was serious   
"Don`t" he said, his voice horse and chocked "Don`t say that, don`t think it"  
"I can`t help it" Thomas wept "I want to cut all of the fat off my body, I want to make myself thin and handsome like you"  
"You are handsome" Olivier said, gently lifting Thomas`s tearful face from his chest and holding him back a little so they were looking at each other, "You are beautiful, and kind, and generous" he said stroking the tears from his cheeks "You have so much to live for, so many people who love you and want you to live, I know I do!, I could`nt bear it if I lost you"  
"I know" Thomas whispered "I just.............I hate feeling like this!, I hate this so much!, I hate my body, and I hate feeling like I want to...I have to change it!, but I.......I don`t know what to do"  
"Oh little brother" Olivier sighed pulling Thomas back into his arms "I`ll help you, I promise I`ll help you"  
"You can`t make my clothes fit!" Thomas whimpered sniffling   
"No" Olivier chuckled "But I can hire a tailor and get you new ones made", lifting Thomas head he cupped his brothers face kissing his forehead "Until your new clothes are ready you can borrow anything you want from my closets"  
"Yeah?" Thomas sniffed giving a shaky but impish smile "Even the gold brocade doublet?"  
"Don`t push it brat!" Olivier laughed holding his brother close again.

 

Crossing the room quietly, Athos came up behind d`Artagnan who was chewing his lip looking upset at his breeches that clearly wer`nt fitting   
"They look like they could do with replacing anyway!" Athos said making d`Artagnan jump and blush at having been caught, "Are you alright?" Athos asked his gaze far too piercing, and expression too knowing for d`Artagnan to feel comfortable enough to lie   
"I don`t like this" he said   
"What exactly don`t you like?" Athos asked taking d`Artagnan`s hands into his "Gaining weight?"  
"That" d`Artagnan said "I don`t...................I`ve never looked like this, I `ve never been so heavy, so..."  
"Healthy?" Athos finished "Because thats what you are becoming, healthy and strong"  
"I don`t look strong, I look flabby!" d`Artagnan grumbled trying to pull away but was prevented from doing so by Athos keeping hold of him and making him pay attention  
"You look better now than you ever have before" he said "You`ve got colour back in your cheeks, the shadows under your eyes are starting to disappear, and there is flesh starting to grow over your bones, bones which should have a healthy covering of flesh"  
"You don`t think it looks bad?" d`Artagnan asked his voice small and hopeful  
"far from it" Athos breathed reaching out to stroke his cheek "In fact I think you look more beautiful than ever", slowly Athos drew d`Artagnan into a slow gentle kiss, pulling his body close and holding in a gentle embrace letting his hands gently stroke over d`Artagnan`s body, moving his lips from d`Artagnan`s mouth over his cheek.

"You look so much healthier, and desirable" he beathed bucking his hips slightly into d`Artagnan`s groin making the boy moan for pleasure  
"I like that your body is filling out" Athos purred trailing his lips towards d`Artagnan`s ear and running his tongue from his ear lobe down his throat, "I like that I have more of you to hold, to enjoy, to savour"  
"MmmmmmAthos!" d`Artagnan moaned shivering in delight   
"When you`re fully recovered I`m going to lay you down on a soft bed, and slowly peel your clothes from your body" Athos breathed, his hand sliding down into d`Artagnan`s breeches to take hold of his cock and start to pump it  
"Then I`ll spread your thighs wide!" Athos said whispering directly into a shaking d`Artagnan`s ear "I`ll slip my hand between your plump buttocks and coat you in oil, make you as slik there are your aching leaking cock will be!"  
"Athos!!!!!!!" d`Artagnan whined his breath hitching and fingers gripping tight to the mans leather doublet   
"I`ll stretch myself over you, and kiss you from throat to groin, bite your nipples!, and nip your belly, have you whining and squirming beneath me!, feeling like you are going to explode with need!, and then, then" Athos whispered pausing to draw out d`Artagnan`s orgasm "Then, when you are begging me, I will mount you and ride you as hard as a stallion at a gallop!, until you spill between our writhing bodies and faint for the pleasure that will consume you!".

With a long cry d`Artagnan came, sagging into Athos arms panting heavily, his mind awash with the filthy and delicious images inside, praying that it would`nt be long before Athos forfilled this promise.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, so it was`nt easy, seeing his body shape changing so much, getting used to having flesh that he could pinch on his hips, a curve to his belly, to not be able to see his ribs unless he breathed in and held his breath, to have some wobble to his thighs when there had been none, and a lot less sharpness to his jaw and cheeks.

But he could not deny the fact that Athos was becoming more and more amorous to him with every hard won pound his body gained, complimenting him on his fuller frame, and softer body.

Not to mention the clothes that Athos had bought for him

Three brand new shirts, when he had only ever had hand downs from his Alexis and his Father, a new doublet, and jerkin, and two new pairs of breeches.

They were all made slightly to loose for his frame at present, with a goal being set for him to fill them.

While there were all several inches larger than his previous clothes, they were not in anyway large, and while to d`Artagnan he felt huge compared to how he had been before, he was still very lean, his natural body shape tending towards being long and slim, rather like an Elk, all slender muscles made for speed and agility rather than brute strength.

Athos was still on the look out for any signs that d`Artagnan might be falling back on bad habbits, or be developing new bad habbits, such as purging, but so far he was still eating what he was told to eat, and not trying to fight Athos or Aramis and Porthos, though he was becoming more and more antsy about being cooped up, wanting to get back into training, or at least be aloud to go ridding.

"Maybe we should let him out and about?" Porthos said as he Athos and Aramis sat one of the garrison tables going over their weapons, and sharing a jug of wine while d`Artagnan was napping, "he is getting stronger right?"  
"Yes, much" Athos replied glancing over to where two fellow Musketeers were sparring "Hold your sword slightly higher when you lunge!" he advised   
"Don`t encourage him!" the mans fellow Musketeer called back   
"Whats the matter Raoul?, can`t you take a little competition?" Aramis laughed  
"Fuck yourself Mis!" Raoul threw back giving Aramis the finger!.

"Alright back to d`Artagnan" Athos said drawing the conversation away from their brothers, "I`m just not sure he`s ready"  
"In what way?" Aramis asked setting down his sword that was now sharper than a razor blade, and taking up his maine gauche to give that a going over with the whet stone  
"He`s gained nearly fifteen pounds, and four inches on his waist, he`s alot healthier than he was"   
"Physically maybe, mentally?, that I`m not so sure of" Athos said.

Aramis and Porthos shared a look, and both turned their gazes on Athos, silently demanded explanations   
"My Brother" Athos said after a few moments "He had a..........condition similar to d`Artagnan"  
"Similar?" Aramis asked "He starved himself?"  
"Not exactly" Athos said setting down his pistol with a sigh "He would over eat, and I mean really over, like enough food to feed four people!, and then he`d make himself sick"  
"Oh God" Porthos whispered "thats.........horrible"  
"It was" Athos concurred "For him, and for those of us who loved him, seeing him hurt himself like that"  
"Why?" Aramis asked as gently as he could given the circumstances, Athos was not known for speaking much about his family, especially on such a delicate subject as this  
"He thought he was fat" Athos said pressing his lips into a thin line "He was slow at hitting his growth spurt, and loosing his baby fat, and got teased because of it, and he..........he wanted to loose weight, but when he started he could`nt stop, he said he could hear a voice in his head telling him to binge and purge, compelling him to hurt himself"  
"Athos" Porthos whispered placing a hand on the mans shoulder as he took a shuddering breath   
"Even when he started to get better, started to let others help him he would relapse, go through the cycle again" Athos said "He said he would rather have been dead than be fat, wanted to cut all the flesh off his body to make himself slim"  
"Christ!" Aramis whispered, then crossed himself after a few moments   
"But d`Art...........it`s not the same right?" Porthos asked "I mean he`s never....."  
"No, no he`s never made himself sick" Athos replied "But he did hear a voice, does hear a voice, and he is scared, he dos`nt like gaining weight, and I`m afraid that if we give him freedom to soon....."  
"That he`ll find a way to start hurting himself" Aramis finished nodding his head "Thats a good point Athos, but we can`t keep him locked up forever, he needs his life back, and if he is ever going to stand a chance a healing, then we have got to trust him, You have got to trust him"  
"I know!" Athos ground out "And I want to, but I also want him to look in the mirror and not have his eyes fill with tears, or need to be promised that he is`nt fat or disgusting, so unless the two of you have any idea on how to do that, I don`t see how we can make progress".

 

It had taken another two days, but eventually Porthos had been the one to come up with a game plan, or at least a step in the right direction.   
A Pic-nic.

Alright so it was`nt the invasion of England!, or the best of battle stratergys, but it was a start.  
With his old clothes far too tight, d`Artagnan ahd to wear his new clothes, and tied a belt very tight about his waist to keep his breeches up   
"They`ll fit soon enough" Athos said as he lead d`Artagnan down to where Aramis and Porthos were waiting with a large hamper curtesy of Serge.  
"Good God are feeding an army?" d`Artagnan asked as he felt the weight of the hamper   
"No, just Porthos!" Aramis teased "You know him!, stomach like a bottomless pit!"  
"Watch it!" Porthos growled "Or you`ll be finding it hard to ride for a week!"  
"You`ve made that promise before!" Aramis leered getting a giggle from d`Artagnan, and a weary groan from Athos as he helped d`Artagnan onto his horse and went for his own   
"Can we please have a little less vulgar insinuations today?" Athos asked   
"And why would I want to do that?" Aramis asked with a bright smile "Besides" he added giving d`Artagnan a look over "If you don`t start tapping that gorgeous arse soon, I beat you too it!"  
"What!" d`Artagnan squeaked turning crimson, and Athos looked truely murderous, if looks could kill then Aramis would have been six feet under in moments!,  
"Give it a rest Mis!" Porthos said "D`Arts a One Musketeer Man!, and out of your reach!"  
"Port Honey!, no one is out of my reach!"  
"You know what they say about pride?" Athos asked glaring at Aramis and leaning forward in his saddle to whisper "Well you`ll in for one hell of a fall if you don`t give this up!".

 

They did not ride out very far, heading just outside of Paris where the dirty streets, and back to back houses gave way to open countryside, and clean air.

They stopped beside the Seine, taking shelter under a crop of trees, where they were able to let their horses go off to graze, and spread a blanket under the trees.  
"So, what goodies have we got?" Aramis asked clapping his hands like a child as he sat cross legged on the blanket   
"For you, a thick ear!" Porthos grunted ignoring the pout and whine that came from his lover as he opened the hamper and breathed in the delicious scents "Serge does good work"  
"What have we got?" Athos asked, sitting with his back to the trunk of the largest tree, with d`Artagnan between his legs, and pulled back against his chest   
"Looks like you`ve got a lap full!" Porthos chortled started to empty the hamper getting a crude gesture from Athos   
"We have, freshly baked bread, with a generous pat of butter, half a round of hard cheese, and a good sized wedge of Bree, some slices of ham, chicken legs, and wings, and some hard boiled eggs, and even some pear and almond tarts!" Porthos declared "Complete with four bottles of wine!".  
"Serge is both a saint and a poet!" Aramis declared grabbing a chicked and rolling his eyes "Mmmmithcothedinglcbedcums!" he garbled about a mouthful (its coated in garlic bread crumbs!)  
"Have you no manners!!!?" Athos scolded as always going for the wine first but was pleased to see d`Artagnan take some hard cheese without being asked to or given it   
"Some of us wer`nt born with silver spoons up our arses!" Aramis shot back licking his lips lewdly and wiggling his eyebrows at Porthos who winked at him with a dirty chuckle  
"You two are incorrigable!" Athos sighed shaking his head.

However he could`nt help but blush as d`Artagnan hand fed him pieces of ham his long fingers pressing against Athos lips sending lightning bolts shooting through them and with a growl he playfully bit d`Artagnan`s finger making the younger man giggle and squirm delightfully against Athos crotch  
"Hey Porthos, what d`you say we take some wine and food and go find some nice.......elsewhere to be?" Aramis suggested getting to his feet with an unsubtle nod towards where Athos and d`Artagnan were sitting   
"Very good idea Mis!" Porthos said getting to his feet, from his pocket he produced a vile and tossed it to Athos who blushed crimson when he saw it contained oil!  
"Don`t do anything we would`nt!" Aramis sing songed as he and Porthos headed off into the crop of trees leaving d`Artagnan and Athos alone save for the horse who were interested in eating grass and drinking from the river,  
"Well" Athos said clearing his throat with a cough "I.......guess we should........" he was cut of as d`Artagnan all but slammed into him silencing him by devouring his lips with a bruising force!.  
Athos groaned as d`Artagnan all but devoured his mouth!, his hands running up the Gascons body, pulling him close, and settling him in his lap, feeling his breeches tighten as his cock rose with interest against the confining material!.

Panting d`Artagnan pulled back, his lips swollen and eyes a little dazed, as if he could hardly believe what he`d done!, the bewildered gaze made Athos smile and he shifted the boy in his lap holding him by his waist looking over d`Artagnan`s flushed cheeks and dilated eyes   
"Are you sure you want this?" he asked knowing that if they went much further then he would not be able to restrain himself   
"Yes, please!" d`Artagnan breathed, with trembling hands he reached out, fumbling with the buttons on Athos doublet, eager to undo them, and get his hands on Athos body unclothed, smiling at the boys eagerness, and his unskilled actions, Athos captured one of his hands and brought it to his lips, gently kissing each finger on by one, making d`Artagnan shiver and gasp!, the shivering sending bolts of lightning through Athos cock!.

It took every ounce of restraint Athos had not to throw d`Artagnan down and have his way with him!, instead he gently pulled d`Artagnan closer to him, stroking his cheek and placing tender kisses on his jaw and down his throat, making d`Artagnan mewl and squirm   
"Tell me what you want" Athos whispered kissing his way back up d`Artagnan`s throat to his ear, "Tell me what you want me to do".

D`Artagnan whimpered, his hands going about Athos`s neck, his cock leaking and aching in his breeches, every inch of his body seeming to be on fire!  
"I........."  
"Tell me Mon cher" Athos breathed "Tell me what you want me to do"  
"I can`t!" d`Artagnan whimpered blushing furriously!, how could he say what he wanted!?, that he needed Athos inside his body!, how could he say that?, but oh God!, Athos`s was on his throat bite and licking and making him want to scream for pleasure!  
"Tell me!" Athos breathed working his way up to d`Artagnan`s mouth and nibbling his plump bottom lip "Just say it".

"I....want you" d`Artagnan whispered, his hands tugging at Athos`s doublet "I want........I need......."  
"Need what?" Athos pressed sliding one hand down towards his cock and pressing his hand slightly against d`Artagnan`s aching member making the boy arch and cry out "Tell me mon amor, tell me what you need and I will give it to you"  
"Athos!" d`Artagnan moaned "Please.............I can`t say it!"   
"You can!" Athos said "You need never be ashamed, just say what you wish"  
"I, want you, to..........to.....t.....take me!" d`Artagnan stuttered "Enter me!".

His boldness was rewarded with a blinding kiss, and Athos gently lay him down on the blanket, covering him with his own body as he kissed him and relaxed him on the ground before sitting back up, smirking at the dilated pupils and bruised panting lips!  
"You are beautiful" he said reaching up to undo d`Artagnan`s doublet, "So very beautiful".

D`Artagnan`s doublet came off easily, and Athos had his breeches undone with ease, it was only when he began to slid his hand up inside d`Artagnan`s shirt that d`Artagnan froze and his wrist was grabbed by the boy making hm pause   
"What?" Athos asked frowning   
"I......" d`Artagnan bit his lip "I just.......don`t.....want touching there"  
"Why?" Athos asked his hand still hovering above d`Artagnan`s middle "You are beautiful, you have nothing to fear", with his free hand he reached out and stroked d`Artagnan`s cheek "I like that your body is fuller, is rounded where it is meant to be rounded, soft where it is meant to be soft, I want to touch you, to see you, and feel you, all over!"  
"You do?" d`Artagnan whispered feeling his heart bursting at the love he saw in Athos`s eyes  
"I do" Athos purred leaning closer to kiss d`Artagnan, slowly, d`Artagnan let Athos hand go, let him push his shirt up and off his body leaving him naked from the hips up.

leaning back Athos swiftly removed his doublet and shirt, turning his attention back on the Gascon below him and smiled at what he saw, laying his hands flat on d`Artagnan`s torso and running his fingers through his chest hair, tugging on it lightly   
"You are perfect" he breathed leaning forward to place butterfly kisses down d`Artagnan`s torso and abdomen, his teeth nipping the boys belly just below his navel making d`Artagnan gasp and arch his back at the unexpected sensation   
"Your skin is like gossamer silk!" Athos breathed, his hot breath making d`Artagnan`s skin pimple, "You taste like strawberrys and cherries!"  
"Strawberrys and cherries?" d`Artagnan asked breathless and little bewiledered, grinning Athos moved back up his body pressing deep and slow kisses to d`Artagnan`s mouth  
"Strawberrys and cherries!" he purred.  
Despite his rising desires, demanding cock, and aching balls, Athos was determind to take his time with d`Artagnan, and savour every last moment, using his mouth and his hands, he covered every inch of d`Artagnan`s torso and belly in kisses and caresses, leaving d`Artagnan moaning and bucking beneath him almost incoherant with need!, as his fingers pinched and teased his nipples d`Artagnan all but screamed!, his eyes nearly black with his pupils so dilated, cheeks flushed and mouth panting and begging Athos to take him, to fuck him!, to do anything and everything with him!, Athos doubted he had ever seen a more tempting and beautiful sight in his life.

Nore could he deny such a heart felt request any longer, not least of all, as with his growing desperation for Athos to fuck him, d`Artagnan`s shaking hands were tugging demandingly at Athos breeches and slipping inside them to stroke his cock and make him hurry up!.

"Bad boy!" Athos teased fishing those delightfully tormenting hands out of his breeches and placing them above d`Artagnan`s head smirking at the petulant whine his lover gave "Patience child" he scolded playfully, and kissed the tip of d`Artagnan`s nose   
"Athos please!" d`Artagnan moaned, to desperate to care if he sounded like he was wanton, or whining!, "You`re gonna kill me!"  
"Well the Itialians do call it the little death Mon Petit" Athos said divulging himself of his breeches with a groan of relief as his straining cock was set free, "And I promise I`ll fuck you well that you`ll be seeing stars as you spill between us!"  
"ATHOSSSSS!".  
Grinning Athos place a chaste kiss on d`Artagnan`s lips before leaning back and maddeningly slowly pulled the Gascons breeches off him smirking as the boys cock sprang up as if on a spring!, "Someones eager!" he commented as if his own cock was`nt jutting out as stiff as a flag pole!, lifting d`Artagnan`s left leg he placed a soft kiss on the fleshy part of his thigh and bit down marking the soft skin and making d`Artagnan keen!, licking the raised red mark he`d left, Athos licked his way up d`Artagnan`s inner thigh, making his way up to dark opening of his lovers virginal body, pausing he saw d`Artagnan looking at him with shocked huge eyes, and grinned before dipping his head and thrusting his tongue between the soft plump cheeks teasing and tormenting the puckered flesh as d`Artagnan moaned and cried out incoherantly, his leg muscles clenching and hands fisting at his sides as Athos`s tongue dipped inside his body sending him almost into oblivion with that act alone!, however Athos was not done, and pulled back sitting up and grabbing the oil that Pothos and Aramis had left them.

Pouring a generous amount of his hand and fingers, he lifted d`Artagnan`s legs again very slowly pressing one finger inside his body, this slid in easily from the work Athos mouth had already done, and the second followed without any difficulty, it was only when it came to the third that d`Artagnan stiffened and gave a horse gasp   
"Relax" Athos said placing his free hand on the boys belly to steady him "Relax your body and breath evenly"  
"Mmmkay" d`Artagnan mumbled closing his eyes and concentrating on relaxing his muscles, Athos waited patiently, moving his fingers very slowly and slightly so d`Artagnan could get use to the feeling, eventually he was able to get all three inside and move them enough to allow his cock to take their place.

Removing his hand he wiped it on a napkin and hurriedly oiled his cock, taking d`Artagnan`s hips he lifted him onto his lap getting himself lined up   
"Ready?" he asked knwoing that there would still be pain, but wanting d`Artagnan to relax and suffer as little as possible   
"Please!" d`Artagnan whimpered, it seemed eons ago that Athos had started this, decades that his cock had been weeping and balls ready to burst!, if he went for any longer without completion......., suddenly his world went white for a moment, and he heard himself cry out, this time from pain, not pleasure, though.....no, there was something inside him that was being pleased, but God!, the pain!, it was like being stabbed and shot at the same time!.

He could feel every pulse in his body beating, the blood rushing through his veins and surging back and forth from his heart, distantly he heard Athos speaking to him, and felt calloused hand soothing him, gentle lips kissing his belly and urging him to relax.  
The world shifted again with another bolt of pain, but this was followed by an explosion of pleasure that had d`Artagnan let loose a loud cry and begging for more!, reaching blindly he found Athos broad shoulders and gripped them as the older man began to move in and out of his body, the burn and pain being completely quashed by the pure bliss that he was feeling at the thrusts of Athos cock hitting his prostrate and setting his body on fire!.

Of it`s own accord d`Artagnan`s body began to move in rythem to Athos`s, his hips meeting each thrust and legs coming up to wrap about Athos hips, his thighs gripping against Athos`s flanks and picked up pace, leaning down he kissed the flesh between d`Artagnan`s neck and collar bone, breathing in the heady scent of his lovers body, rocking them both back and forth, adding his own groans to d`Artagnan`s crys and gasps!, as he felt his climax building he deliberately slowed down making sure to hit d`Artagnan`s prostrate with every thrust and slipped and hand down between them to stroke the boys straining cock,   
"Come for me love" he whispered pressing a kiss to d`Artagnan`s exposed throat "Let go!".

On that comand d`Artagnan felt himself explode and shatter in every direction!, becoming blind, deaf, and mute as he climaxed and sagged into a bones heap of flesh!, the shuddering and clenching of his inner muscles bringing Athos`s release within his body, filling him with a hot rush of seed.

Panting, Athos collapsed over d`Artagnan`s body resting his head over the boys pounding heart and letting the rythemic beat lull him into a dreamless sleep.

It was to long fingers stroking through his hair, and light kissess being pressed into his arm that awoke Athos.  
For a moment he could`nt remember where he was, then he recalled what had happened, and smiled, pushing himself up on his hands and elbows he smiled down at d`Artagnan who still lay beneath him, his cock having slipped out during his breif sleep lay snug between d`Artagnan`s buttocks, sated and comfortable   
"Alright?" Athos asked his voice gruff from sleep   
"I`m........beyond feelings I think!" d`Artagnan said sounding completely relaxed and content "I love you" he said lifting his head to kiss Athos "I love you more than anything in this world!, I never thought I could love this much, did`nt think it was possible, but some how it is and I feel it for you!".

Athos smiled down at him, partly amused at the youthful decloration of love, but mostly very moved, and feeling very blessed to have such love bestowed on him   
"What ever did I do to deserve such devotion and adoration?" he asked resting his weight on his elbows so he could run his fingers over d`Artagnan`s cheek "I love you too mon petit Gascon"  
"Forever and always?" d`Artagnan whispered   
"Beyond time and life itself" Athos swore as devotedly as if he were making a wedding vow before God.

With a smile as bright as the sun d`Artagnan reached up and pulled Athos down onto him wrapping his arms about his neck and began kissing him once more slowly and lazily, relishing the feeling over having Athos over his body, warming him and arousing him, which if the growing errection he could feel between his buttocks was anything to go by, then Athos was feeling much the same!.

 

Elsewhere in the peaceful glade, Aramis had Porthos pinned beneath him, his long thighs gripping Porthos`s hips like a vice, and his nails digging into Porthos wrists which he held above his head as he fucked himself on Porthos cock!, riding the larger man as hard if not harder than he rode his horse at full gallop!.

The brutal exhausting pace Aramis set delighted Porthos, he bucked his hips to meet each piston move of Aramis`s bouncing and writhing body!, the Spaniard knew exactly how bring Porthos to ruin, to make him beg and plead!, to be so hard and aching he would get down on his knees and offer his soul to Aramis!, which the wicked and delicious Spaniard always had him doing before fucking his brains right out of his body!,  
"Like that Querida?" he purred leaning down and biting at one of Porthos nipples "Like me squirming on your cock like a worm on a hook?"  
"Yes!, God yes!" Porthos moaned, his breath hitching as Aramis bit down harder on his nipple, his tongue teasing his peaked flesh   
"God Mis!" he groan bucking his hips harder and thrusting his cock deeper inside Aramis`s body making the slighter man arch his back, lifting his head and tossing it back with a noise like a cat hissing and ground his pelvis down on Porthos groin twisting and clenching in his inner muscles making Porthos cry out, his cries increasing as Aramis lifted his hands from Porthos wrists to rake his nails down Porthos torso leaving long red welts in their wake clamping onto his shoulders increasing his pace even more feeling Porthos balls slapping against his buttocks as he rode him harder and harder, grinning wickedly as he felt Porthos hands on his own body, caressing his flexing muscles and stroking his smooth skin, digging his nails down hard enough to draw blood and clamped down with his inner muscles as he felt Porthos climax coming close, pistoning his hips and let loose a stream of Spanish curses and expletives as he spilled over Porthos belly and felt himself being filled as Porthos swiftly followed him.

Panting and gasping with pleasure Aramis sagged down onto Porthos, letting the larger man wrap him into an almost crushing embrace, and kiss his sweat damp hair   
"You`re a demon!" Porthos purred "But God I love you for it!"  
"You bloody better!" Aramis said his voice muffled against Porthos chest "Because I damn well love you!".

 

Athos and d`Artagnan were laying in each others arms, sharing a single cup of wine, and feeding each other pieces of food, licking one another fingers and trading kisses and sweet nothings as they relaxed in each others company, neither looking up until Aramis and Porthos returned,   
"Ah, finally past the shy stage then I see!?" Aramis said with a large grin, sitting himself down and helping himself to some of the sweet pastry "Hm, I always work up a hell of an apatite fucking!" he declared "Takes more energy than a whole days battle!"  
"More enjoyable too!" Porthos leered smirking as Athos rolled his eyes and d`Artagnan blushed   
"Oh I don`t know" Aramis said "That time in the trenches in La Rochelle was pretty enjoyable as I recall!" he wiggled his eyebrows at Porthos making him chuckle and Athos give them both a dirty look, since he had, had the (pleasure) of stumbling across them mid coitus!  
"Ah, now you`ll have your own pleasent distraction Athos!" Aramis said leering at d`Artagnan "And a very pleasent one at that!!!, I don`t suppose you`d be open to sharing!?".

Porthos choked on his wine ending up spitting it across the pic-nic blanket, while d`Artagnan gaped at Aramis and Athos glowered at him   
"Touch him and I`ll cut your hands off!" he said placing a protective/possesive arm over d`Artagnan`s shoulders "He`s mine alone!".

The warning only served to make Aramis smile wider and tease even more "Ohh is`nt he cute when he gets fierce!" he said to Porthos "Makes me want get on my knees and turn that frown into a smile!",   
"Good God Aramis!" Athos cried loosing his composure "Have you no sense of decency!?"  
"You`ve known him nearly six years and you have to ask that!?" Porthos asked raising an eyebrow "How many window ledges have we caught him from?, how many jealous husbands have we stopped shooting him?"  
"More than I care to remember!" Athos addmited with a tired sigh and rubbed a hand down his face as Aramis seemed to grin more and glow at the "Praise" he was getting, offering a smile to d`Artagnan he patted his thigh   
"Don`t mind me flirting d`Art, I don`t mean anything by it, and I`d never come between a couple like you two, I know a loving marriage when I see one!".

"Marriage?" d`Artagnan repeated as Athos scoffed beside him "It`s hardly that, last I checked the Vatican rather frowned on relationships like this"  
"True, but you two are obviously the "Till death us do part" type" Aramis said "All thats missing is the rings and vows!"   
"Which I think we can live without" Athos said, then paused looking down at d`Artagnan "Unless you want them?"  
"All I want is you!" d`Artagnan replied making Athos cheeks colour which of course had Porthos and Aramis grinning again   
"Oh go away and find somewhere else to be!" Athos said throwing a piece of bread at Porthos "Leave us in peace!"  
"Very well!" Aramis said rising to his feet and stretching "I would`nt mind a swim after all that fucking!", bold as brass he stripped off and headed out into the seine, closely followed by Porthos who got a face full of water for his trouble which of course led to a water fight between them!,  
"Want to join in?" Athos asked seeing the joy on d`Artagnan`s face at their antics  
"Would you mind?" d`Artagnan asked not wanting to leave Athos, but also wanting to join in the fun   
"Lets both go, see if we can`t beat them at their own games" Athos said rising to his feet and offering a hand to d`Artagnan who eagerly took it and all but dragged Athos down into the Seine to join in the splashing and dunking!.

When the chill of the water finally got to much for them, they went back up on the bank to enjoy the last of the afternoon sun and dry off   
"Got to say kid, you`re looking much better" Porthos said "Good to see some meat on your bones at last"  
"So I`ve been told!" d`Artagnan replied with a slight blush and smile in Athos direction   
"You feel better about yourself?" Aramis asked as gently as he could though there was`nt really any way to do this gently   
"It`s.........strange, looking so different" d`Artagnan addmitted "And I`ll be glad to tone up again, but......I do feel better, warmer, not so tired"  
"We`ll get you back in training in the next few weeks" Athos promised "You carry on the way you are, you`ll be twice and strong and fast as you were"  
"Maybe even land a hit at last!" Porthos teased  
"Never gonna happen!" Athos said with certainty   
"Care to place a bet?" d`Artagnan asked raising an eyebrow "because five livre says I can!"  
"Five livre?" Athos asked looking amused "Very well, bet accepted".

 

Three months later

 

Athos grunted as all the air was forced out of his lungs, as he fell hard onto his back on the training ground, his sword falling uselessly from his hand, and his head spinning, below his chin he felt the press of cold steal and looked up into the smug face of d`Artagnan standing above him, sweating and panting but smirking happily   
"Five livre I believe!?" he said tapping Athos doublet with his sword "Since I got more than a hit!"  
"Five livre!" Athos said nodding his head and holding out a hand for d`Artagnan to help him to his feet, however as soon as the boy had placed his hand in his he pulled hard, pulling d`Artagnan down on top of him and rolled them over so he was pinning the boy down swiftly placing a kiss on his lips, too swift for anyone else to see it "And that you can take on account" he said smirking at the dazed look on the boys face "And learn to never lower your guard!", laughing he got back to his feet and extending his hand to d`Artagnan "Come on" he said "You`ve got lucky once, lets see if you can do it again!"  
"You`re a slave driver!" d`Artagnan groaned allowing himself to be hauled to his feet   
"Maybe, but I`ll make it worth your while later" Athos replied giving his rump a slap and squeeze   
"You`d better!" d`Artagnan said with a grin his eyes dancing as he prepared to face off against his lover and mentor once again, still happy that he had in fact landed a hit, and planning what he`d spend his five livres on, maybe the best meal and wine in their favorite tavern and spend the night in the best room there........

The End


End file.
